Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g on hoilidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement.Is this a positive or negative development?
Retired elderly nowadays prefer investing
money
for their life
to saving for their offspring.The writer of this
essay believes that this
is a positive development because children
will not only be independent of their families but the elderly can also
enjoy their entire adult life
.
It must be understood that children
will not rely on the property of their prior generation.To put it simply,If children
do not inherit money
from older people
,they need to depend on themselves to earn money
.Additionally
,children
have to set up a particular ambition as well as
a detailed plan for their life
,help
them live with a specific purpose and personally.Wrong verb form
helping
For example
,the youth in America do not often receive any money
from their family in order to make them work hard to improve their life
.As a result
, saving money
for the young generation is not necessary due to
they can earn money
on their own.
By retiring from their work , the elderly tend to enjoy their life
.To explain further
,when they were young , they worked productively so as to make money
to take care of their family, and because of that, they did not have enough time for themselves.Therefore
,people
who retire often spend money
enjoying their life
.Take Canada as an example where the old people
spend money
on their vacation rather than saving for offspring.Consequently
, the elderly should invest for
themselves to live an enjoyable Change preposition
in
life
instead
of saving for children
.
In conclusion, although
money
is important,saving money
for children
is not necessary to make them independent of their family
.Fix the agreement mistake
families
Besides
, the enjoyment of elderly people
after a period of working hard should not be overshadowed.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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clear comprehensive ideas
Consider improving the clarity of some sentences for better comprehension. For example, 'As a result, saving money for the young generation is not necessary due to they can earn money on their own' could be rephrased as 'Therefore, saving money for the younger generation is unnecessary as they can earn their own money.'
relevant specific examples
Try to add a few more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
logical structure
You might want to refine the transitions between some of your ideas to enhance flow. For instance, using transition words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can help connect your points more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
complete response
You provided good reasons for why it is a positive development that elderly people are choosing to spend money on themselves rather than save for their children.
Your opinion
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