Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g on hoilidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement.Is this a positive or negative development?

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Retired elderly nowadays prefer investing

money

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for their

life

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to saving for their offspring.The writer of

this

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essay believes that

this

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is a positive development because

children

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will not only be independent of their families but the elderly can

also

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enjoy their entire adult

life

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. It must be understood that

children

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will not rely on the property of their prior generation.To put it simply,If

children

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do not inherit

money

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from older

people

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,they need to depend on themselves to earn

money

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Additionally

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children

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have to set up a particular ambition

as well as

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a detailed plan for their

life

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help

Wrong verb form

helping

show examples

them live with a specific purpose and personally.

For example

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,the youth in America do not often receive any

money

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from their family in order to make them work hard to improve their

life

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As a result

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, saving

money

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for the young generation is not necessary

due to

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they can earn

money

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on their own. By retiring from their work , the elderly tend to enjoy their

life

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.To explain

further

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,when they were young , they worked productively so as to make

money

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to take care of their family, and because of that, they did not have enough time for themselves.

Therefore

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people

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who retire often spend

money

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enjoying their

life

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.Take Canada as an example where the old

people

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spend

money

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on their vacation rather than saving for offspring.

Consequently

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, the elderly should invest

for

Change preposition

show examples

themselves to live an enjoyable

life

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instead

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of saving for

children

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. In conclusion,

although

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money

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is important,saving

money

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for

children

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is not necessary to make them independent of their

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

Besides

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, the enjoyment of elderly

people

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after a period of working hard should not be overshadowed.

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clear comprehensive ideas

Consider improving the clarity of some sentences for better comprehension. For example, 'As a result, saving money for the young generation is not necessary due to they can earn money on their own' could be rephrased as 'Therefore, saving money for the younger generation is unnecessary as they can earn their own money.'

relevant specific examples

Try to add a few more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.

logical structure

You might want to refine the transitions between some of your ideas to enhance flow. For instance, using transition words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can help connect your points more smoothly.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

complete response

You provided good reasons for why it is a positive development that elderly people are choosing to spend money on themselves rather than save for their children.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g on hoilidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement.Is this a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Some people believe using modern technology (digital photographs, blogs) is the best way to record and remember important personal events. Others think the traditional method (making photo albums, writing diaries) is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission outweighthe diadvantages ?

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.