Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g on hoilidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement.Is this a positive or negative development?

Retired elderly nowadays prefer investing
money
for their
life
to saving for their offspring.The writer of
this
essay believes that
this
is a positive development because
children
will not only be independent of their families but the elderly can
also
enjoy their entire adult
life
. It must be understood that
children
will not rely on the property of their prior generation.To put it simply,If
children
do not inherit
money
from older
people
,they need to depend on themselves to earn
money
.
Additionally
,
children
have to set up a particular ambition
as well as
a detailed plan for their
life
,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
them live with a specific purpose and personally.
For example
,the youth in America do not often receive any
money
from their family in order to make them work hard to improve their
life
.
As a result
, saving
money
for the young generation is not necessary
due to
they can earn
money
on their own. By retiring from their work , the elderly tend to enjoy their
life
.To explain
further
,when they were young , they worked productively so as to make
money
to take care of their family, and because of that, they did not have enough time for themselves.
Therefore
,
people
who retire often spend
money
enjoying their
life
.Take Canada as an example where the old
people
spend
money
on their vacation rather than saving for offspring.
Consequently
, the elderly should invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
themselves to live an enjoyable
life
instead
of saving for
children
. In conclusion,
although
money
is important,saving
money
for
children
is not necessary to make them independent of their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
Besides
, the enjoyment of elderly
people
after a period of working hard should not be overshadowed.
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clear comprehensive ideas
Consider improving the clarity of some sentences for better comprehension. For example, 'As a result, saving money for the young generation is not necessary due to they can earn money on their own' could be rephrased as 'Therefore, saving money for the younger generation is unnecessary as they can earn their own money.'
relevant specific examples
Try to add a few more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
logical structure
You might want to refine the transitions between some of your ideas to enhance flow. For instance, using transition words like 'Moreover' or 'Furthermore' can help connect your points more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
complete response
You provided good reasons for why it is a positive development that elderly people are choosing to spend money on themselves rather than save for their children.

Your opinion

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