IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effects #skills
in
this
 modern world, several people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 reading and writing skills. nowadays, there are several young people
often
Correct pronoun usage
who often
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 use
of
Change preposition
apply
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and
handphone
Fix the agreement mistake
handphones
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 study or research information
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 internet. I option agree about
this
 argue my self,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
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 it is reading is
skill
Add an article
a skill
the skill
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 to many use in
study
Add an article
the study
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 course. writing skills is can
do
Verb problem
be
show examples
 in when I school or work. I see that increase in
this
 era very
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
significant
therefore
,
furthermore
,
in addition
, in conclusion,
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task response
Ensure your essay has a clear and complete introduction and conclusion. Your introduction should introduce the topic and state your position. The conclusion should summarize key points and restate your position.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs for each point. Use connecting words and phrases effectively to ensure logical flow between ideas.
task response
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points to support your arguments. For instance, describe how exactly computer and mobile phone use might affect young people’s reading and writing skills.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. Ensure that your sentences are clear and grammatically correct.
task response
Your topic choice is relevant and timely, which shows an understanding of contemporary issues affecting young people.
coherence and cohesion
You attempted to use transition words like 'therefore,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition,' which is a good practice for essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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