IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the graph belows shows the number of tourists a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.

the graph belows shows the number of tourists a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
#belows #tourists #caribbean #island
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 in detail the portion of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in a Caribbean area from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, at first glance, we can see the total
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of visiting was
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend over the
years
Use synonyms
,
moreover
Linking Words
 in 2017 at 3.5
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the highest rank,
however
Linking Words
, tourists who stayed on
island
Add an article
the island
show examples
 had a slight
fluctation
Correct your spelling
fluctuation
fluctuations
 between 2015 and 2017 and
also
Linking Words
 the largest numbers was 1.5 that was the similar
porprotin
Correct your spelling
proportion
 in several
years
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2017 as well. as we can
observed
Change the verb form
observe
show examples
 the figure of
passangers
Correct your spelling
passengers
 on cruise ships were increased marginally and the highest level was 2 millions of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2017. Turning to the data
inmore
Correct your spelling
in more
 detail,
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on
island
Add an article
an island
the island
show examples
 in 2010 at the lowest number and
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained steady until 2011,
aftewards
Correct your spelling
afterwards
 there was a slight growth that accounted for 1.5 of people in 2012 and 2013,
then
Linking Words
 the share of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 graph was almost similar in 3
years
Use synonyms
 ( 2013, 2014, 2015). In 2016, the figure of travellers had a gradual decrease
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1.10 and the next year in 2017 again went back to the share of 1.5. As presented in
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
, the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
number of tourists
show examples
 staying on
curise
Correct your spelling
cruise
 ships
were
Verb problem
has
show examples
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
risen
 over the
years
Use synonyms
,
expect
Correct your spelling
except
show examples
 in 2012
that
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 there was a significant decrease
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the share of them was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the first year in 2010.
Then
Linking Words
, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a
considerably
Change the adverb
considerable
show examples
 increase and the highest
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 was in 2017 at 2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people.
Submitted by safehiana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: