IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Research
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 has shown that a lot of significant scientific discoveries have
became
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become
show examples
 because of experimentation on
animals
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.
However
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, some
people
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 are opposed to
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
animals
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'
use
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while
Linking Words
 others are not.
Finally
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, is experimentation on
animals
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 right or wrong? To start with, there are
people
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 who do not want scientists to
use
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animals
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 to
make
Verb problem
do
show examples
research
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. Those believe that in
this
Linking Words
 way, we destroy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature and the Earth, in general.
For instance
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, every year the percentage of each type of
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animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
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 decline a lot and some of them are extinction species because of that. Obviously,
this
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 is a serious reason why those
people
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 are opposed and none of us should tell that
this
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 thought is wrong.
On the other hand
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, for their bad luck,
animals
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 must be used for
research
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 before something will be available for humans.
For example
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, a new vaccine can't be used by
people
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 before it
pass
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passes
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 all the necessary checks and
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 be tried by
animals
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. Unfortunately, there are not any alternative ways to help some
animals
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 not to disappear because of their
use
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 in
research
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.
To conclude
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, I am of the opinion that
this
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 initiative which someone
found
Wrong verb form
founded
show examples
 in order to make
people
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 safer is neither good nor justified for
animals
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 and for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and nature, generally, but if
people
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 stop
to exist
Wrong verb form
existing
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,
animals
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 will not be alive too. I mean that
animals
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 rely on
people
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 to live. Without feeding from us,
animals
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 difficulty will grow up and be fertilized.
In addition
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, we can't
use
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 a new item without its stages of confirmation.
Thus
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, we should think about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life priorities and
to
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apply
show examples
not be so critical
against
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of
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 those who try to increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life expectancy.

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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic from the start and outlining the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that expresses the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph development by providing more detailed explanations and examples for each point you make.
task achievement
Address some specific examples of alternatives to animal testing that are currently being researched or implemented, such as computer modeling or cell culture techniques.
task achievement
Improve the conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively and restating your position clearly.
task achievement
You have clearly identified different viewpoints on the topic, which shows an understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
You have made an attempt to conclude your essay, which helps to give your argument a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an awareness of the ethical considerations involved in animal experimentation, which is important for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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