IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many countries spend a lot of money on improved transport for urban areas while neglecting rural transport. What are the problems associated with this? What are some possible solutions according to you?

#countries #money #transport #areas
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The modern world tend to develop at a hectic pace, and
while
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 some
areas
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 of development get extra attention and are perfectly covered, others seem to be neglected. It's paramount to have well developed urban transport. Many countries, including even the USA, can't offer a vast range of well developed urban transport. As far as I know, the very few cities where you can make do without a
car
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 of your own are New York, Chicago, and probably Los Angeles. Now imagine living without a
car
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 somewhere in a faw away city in Wyoming. It is simply next to impossible: all the vital facilities will be simply out of reach.
Thus
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, it leads us to a very important point:
people
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 living in rural
areas
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 must absolutely have a driver's licence and know how to drive. sounds simple, but in facts it's not. Personally, I don't have a driver's licence and I'm terribly scared to drive
due to
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 an accident I've had
while
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 I was in a
car
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 with someone else. So, there might be several ways to tackle
this
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 issue. First off, the authorities may create more affordable taxi with a greater coverage. Let's call is "social taxi".
This
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 way,
people
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 can have a
car
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 when they need to go somewhere or even pre-book a
car
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 right to their doorstep.
Second,
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the authorities may create a comprehensible map with a true-to-life schedule of public transport. In Russia where I live, it's prohibited to build new houses if there's not a bus stop 500 meters within reach. so, having more buses could
also
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 help.
Lastly
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, if
people
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 living in the rural
areas
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 want to have but can't afford a
car
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, the authorities may consider introducing special loans for
this
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 category of citizens.
For example
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, they may have a lower interest and/or down payment. It's not fair to give
such
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 a loan to someone in New York as they have subway, but
people
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 in rural
areas
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 may be badly in need of them. By and large, despite the sutiation being seemingly hard to solve, in reality, it's very possible to find smart solutions and make lives of those who live in the countryside better, easier and more comfortable.
Submitted by aboykova13 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer and more logical structure. Organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs for an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
While your points are relevant, you need to expand more on some of them to provide a clearer picture. For example, explain how a comprehensible public transport map would really benefit rural areas.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and ambiguity. For example, the sentence ‘It is simply next to impossible: all the vital facilities will be simply out of reach’ can be rephrased for clarity.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both the problems and possible solutions related to rural transport.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points. This helps in demonstrating your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have concluded your essay on a positive note by emphasizing the possibility of finding solutions to improve rural transport.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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