Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In the technology era, many
people
believe that more t time
spent on electronic devices
can be more beneficial for children
. While
othes
believe Correct your spelling
others
this
could have bad effects
on children
's growth.I believe the negatives outweigh the positives of using technological devices
for children
.
Initially
, everyone now
how the spread of electronic equipment these days , especially for entertainment,Correct your spelling
knows
for
example
, a lot of families have a TV and at least one computer
in order to let their children
play video games or to
watch television series. Some Fix the infinitive
apply
people
argue that the time
spent on television or playing games on the computer
can be valuable for children
in many ways. Firstly
, most future jobs depend on computers so spending time
with a personal comuter
can help kids to learn more Correct your spelling
computer
comuter
skills. Correct your spelling
computer
Secondly
, these days many leisure ways and the
Correct article usage
apply
entertainments
rely on technology , Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
for
example
, people
can show
live concerts from home, Verb problem
watch
also
children
can play with friends online.So spending time
on TV or playing online sharing your time
and communicating with others could be a good way to stay in touch with the community.
On the other hand
, other citizens argue that spent
a lot of Wrong verb form
spending
time
on electronic devices
could lead to negative effects
on children
's development. From a health perspective, spending more time
on the computer
can lead to many health problems , for
example
, the eye's vision could be effected
Correct your spelling
affected
effects
and children
's bones could be heart
by spending Correct your spelling
hurt
hours
in the same position without any movement. In addition
, in order to good growth, children
need to do a lot of physical exercise. However
, if children
spend daily hours
on TV or on computer
could cause mental issues.Add an article
the computer
a computer
Also
, the children
need to learn many communication skills to be a
good Correct article usage
apply
member
of their community and if they spend many Fix the agreement mistake
members
hours
at computers without any vital communication they will be abandoned by their society.
In conclusion, some people
believe that time
spent on computers and television can be valuable for kids. some people
believe this
may have negative effects
on the development process of children
. In my opinion, spending many hours
on technology devices
could lead to many issues in many parts of children
's lives for
example
, the kids may face health problems, and lack
of communication skillsCorrect article usage
a lack
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coherence cohesion
Work on improving your logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph distinctly supports a clear point, and that these points collectively contribute towards your overall argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For example, mention particular studies, statistics, or real-life instances that illustrate your points.
task achievement
Focus on enhancing the clarity and depth of your ideas. Consider using a planning stage to outline key points before writing to ensure all arguments are fully developed and effectively communicated.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to grasp the main argument and the resolution.
task achievement
You have made a commendable effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.