IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effects #skills
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It is thought by some
people
 that a massive
usage
 of gadgets as a communication tool can have an adverse effect on individuals` reading and writing
skills
. I firmly disagree
due to
 some justifications that I will discuss in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, the most frequently cited rationale for opposing
this
 statement is that
people
 can read and write in both online and paper-based formats.
Firstly
, with the increasing trend of digital devices, online communication has become an essential part of our daily routine.
For instance
,
people
 can apply for a job and submit a high-quality resume via email,
thus
 alleviating the process for employers.
Similarly
, before the invention of computers and mobile phones, the
usage
 of letters for interaction had the same effect.
Therefore
, the utilization of online tools for conversation is not evidence of a decrease in grammar knowledge and reading
skills
. Another reason for
this
 phenomenon is a lack of reading and writing
skills
 that can be associated with little experience.
Although
 gadgets cannot affect individuals` competencies, social media and networks can distract them from education. As children get mobile phones at an early age, they start using them daily, which has detrimental effects on their education and academic performance.
As a result
, the massive
usage
 of electronic devices launches children on a path of non-learners
due to
 excessive phone
usage
.
To conclude
, some
people
 believe that the reason for a decrease in reading and writing
skills
 is the utilization of online communication.
Although
 the excessive
usage
 of phones and computers might lead to harmful consequences in education, I believe that texting helps to ease our lives.
Submitted by chtpstmy42 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and your arguments are generally well-supported. However, consider adding more specific examples to support your points further. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs for even greater coherence. Starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence will help guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and generally comprehensive. Nonetheless, some parts could benefit from a little more elaboration to fully convey your arguments. Practice expanding on your points to make your essay richer in content.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is very strong, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
supported main points
You provide relevant and specific examples, which effectively support your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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