Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In
last
decades, the number of people who have relied on various Correct article usage
the last
methods
such
as alternative
medicine instead
of being visited by doctors
has mushroomed. In my opinion, this
trend poses challenges, due the
Change preposition
to the
lack
of validition
and causes adverse reactions.
Essentially, scientific evidence has been the cornerstone of physical examination, Correct your spelling
validation
diagnostic
, and prescribed drugs by Replace the word
diagnosis
doctors
throughout the history of medicine. While
, alternative
methods
were derived from traditions and relegious
ideas, which treat patients mostly with herbs. Correct your spelling
religious
Firstly
, the lack
of evidence and experimental studies are the vital merits of the latter methods
. To elaborate more, take the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as an example, a regulatory institute for testing novel drugs and treatments. When a researcher invents a novel remedy, it will be investigated by this
institute, and as a result
of FDA approval, they might prescribe their cutting-edge products. Although
, prescribed drugs by alternative
medical experts have been not monitored and approved by regulatory foundations, scientific studies, and universities monitor and approved
.
Wrong verb form
approve
Secondly
, when people consume these remedies, it will poses
the risk of developing massive side effects reactions. Change the verb form
pose
Therefore
, these reactions are sometimes novel and unknown because of a lack
of experimental studies data. Due to
a lack
of visiting doctors
and physical examination by doctors
, these remedies pose hypersensitivity and hyperpigmentation. For example
, in Iran, the donkey's stool has been used widely by people who have not relied on usual doctors
, it has chosen
due Add a missing verb
been chosen
the
Change preposition
to the
relegious
and traditional backgrounds.
Correct your spelling
religious
To conclude
, besides
the merits of using alternative
methods
instead
of visiting doctors
, the lack
of an evidence-based approach and adverse side effect
are two vital challenges that medical communities have faced.Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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coherence cohesion
The introduction sets a good foundation but could provide a clearer overview of the essay's main points. Ensure each paragraph has a topic sentence that clearly introduces its main idea.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between points and ideas. Using transitional words and phrases can help connect ideas more smoothly. For instance, 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' can be used to introduce new but related points.
task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. For instance, when mentioning 'massive side effects reactions,' give concrete examples of such reactions and their impacts on individuals.
task achievement
Make sure your arguments are comprehensive and clearly explained. Dive deeper into why alternative medicines pose challenges and how they could be addressed, if at all.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralizations and ensure that claims are well-supported with evidence or examples. Your point about donkey's stool in Iran could be expanded with more context or evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good structure for the discussion.
task achievement
Main points are identified and reasonably supported. The essay touches on important aspects, such as scientific validation and potential adverse reactions.