IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some argue that technological advancements have led to a decline in traditional skills and crafts. Others believe that technology has actually preserved and even enhanced these skills through new avenues of learning and distribution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion on the impact of technology on traditional skills and crafts.

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ome
Correct your spelling
some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
due to
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 enhancement of the
technology
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, traditional skills
such
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 as knitting, and crafting are diminishing day by day
whereas
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 others believe that
technology
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 helps us to save our culture
as well as
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 open a new door to explore our ideas and creativity.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both opinions and I firmly believe that the advent of new
technology
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 is indispensable for expanding our creativity. Proponents argue that technological innovation makes our lives easier and now
people
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 belong to a global village. So,
people
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 are working long hours with different international organisations so that they make more profit.
For example
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,
people
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 working in international organizations are paid in dollars
whereas
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 traditional skills
such
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 as knitting need more time but the financial rewards are often limited.
On the other hand
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, because of the advancement of new technologies
people
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 to come together who live in a remote part of any country and collaborate with each other without any obstacles. To facilitate
this
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 innovation, the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 is available to everyone and it supports to conducting of international communication and business. To cite an example, handicrafts are traditional skills for the
people
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 of Bangladesh.
consequently
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,
people
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 living there make more alluring products and publish them using social platforms
such
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 as Facebook.
As a result
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, it creates a new online business for a large number of
people
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.
According to
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 my perception, technological advancement gives us a lot of opportunities to sustain our traditional goods by introducing and selling to different parts of the world and many
people
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 are drawn to attractive traditional products. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, one should use
technology
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 for
anyone
Change noun form
anyone's
show examples
 betterment not the destruction of any one culture and proper use of
technology
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 needs to be ensured.

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Task Response
Ensure that the arguments on both sides are equally developed and supported with specific examples or further reasoning. In some parts, one side appears to have slightly more focus or detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on connecting sentences and paragraphs more smoothly to maintain a natural progression. Although the essay is generally coherent, transitions could be refined to enhance clarity.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay clearly introduces both perspectives in the introduction, setting a strong foundation for the discussion.
Introduction and Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear personal opinion.
Task Achievement
Examples, such as the one about Bangladesh handicrafts, are relevant and help to convey the point about technology facilitating traditional skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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