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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people get a chance to choose between life without work and spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. Agree or disagree?

#people #chance #life #work #time
It is presumed that if any person was questioned about living in a world where one needs to spend most time working or the one that working does not appear, they would choose the latter offer. I firmly contend that the statement is false
due to
 how illogical it is and the purpose of working to survive in human life. Admittedly, stress and peer pressure from working are inevitable,
thus
, thinking about a life without them will make
people
 happier.
However
, if there were no jobs available
then
 how the services and goods would be made to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
people
's essential needs and desires? Despite that, some
people
 argue that robotics can cope with that issue.
This
 is a credible point to some extent but what about engineers who operate them? Without them working
this
 point is meaningless.
Additionally
, other negative problems would rise rapidly if
people
 stopped creating products
such
 as the dissents between the rich and poor as there is no salary disparity.
Therefore
, in the end, society would collapse if the situation was true which makes
people
 want to avoid it. Another reason to oppose
this
 statement is the natural
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of working. Scientifically,
this
 is every animal's instinct when they are born in order to survive.
Hence
, without commuting to work or gardening in the fields, the human race would not be able to survive.
Moreover
, cooperation is what most
people
 look for when
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
show examples
 a job,
thus
, helps foster connection between
people
 and create a sense of protection which is vital for life. From my prior experience, when I started a business alone it resulted in a fail but the case was not true when I had my friends to go
along with
. Ultimately, working to survive is the priority for humans. In conclusion, there is no chance that
people
 will lean toward the dedication of not working
due to
 the given reasons.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, and you develop your ideas logically. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that each point directly supports your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is relatively well-organized, it could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your main points with more detailed examples and specific evidence. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically structured and support your overall argument well. This contributes to a coherent essay.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt and gave a comprehensive response to the question posed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • constraints of employment
  • immerse
  • personal fulfillment
  • enhanced relationships
  • work-related stress
  • professional achievements
  • financial insecurity
  • societal backlash
  • cultural expectations
  • identity and worth
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