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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.
The pie chart gives information about the average household expenditure in a country between 1950 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the pie chart
compare
Change the verb form
compares
show examples
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
six sectors
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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namely housing , food , education ,
health
Use synonyms
 care , transportation and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 and
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the largest segment was housing in the year 1950 .
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 the smallest region was
health
Use synonyms
car
Correct your spelling
care
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 in 1950. First of all ,
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010 the section
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food was
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher percentage than
section
Add an article
a section
the section
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food in 1950 . The number of education and
health
Use synonyms
 care in
2010was
Correct your spelling
2010 was
 above 10 per cent respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the same slide in 1950 was just under 10 percentage respectively.the lowest rate of household expenditure was
health
Use synonyms
car
Correct your spelling
care
show examples
 which accounted for 2.4% .
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 the largest percentage was housing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
made for 72.1
protion
Correct your spelling
per cent
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words health with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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