At the present time, populations of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
There is no doubt that these days young
humans
are becoming a huge number in some countries rather than older people
. The question is, in some countries have populations , young people
are Correct quantifier usage
more variety
variety
than older Replace the word
varied
people
in somewhere. In this
essay, I will compare between advantages and disadvantages to discover what
the main reason.
First and foremost, there are several disadvantages of populations of some regions Correct pronoun usage
apply
according to
young adults
. Firstly
, one of the most
downsides Correct word choice
biggest
that
older Add a missing verb
is that
humans
became
had old experiences in spite of they had educated but not their educated had not Verb problem
have
serve
in the modern-day. Change the verb form
served
For example
, in my own country, companies must search for fresh graduates to improve their business successfully. In addition
, older people
do not have a passion to learn or change their comfort zone also
, they are not creative.
On the other hand
, I totally believe that the merits of populations of some countries have young adults
more than older people
. To compare, the benefits outweigh, in this
case, young adults
having capability
to accomplish several in the future. Change the article
the capability
Also
, they lead the development by using advanced technology in order to cross the world with successful achievement. Otherwise
, older humans
became utilise the same routine for
do many things. Change preposition
to
Moreover
, young people
have new
education and Correct article usage
a new
open
mind to understand the difference in the world.
Add an article
an open
To sum up
, I strongly think that if any counties have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
population
of young Add an article
a population
adults
are
more than older Unnecessary verb
apply
humans
, it locky
to provide them-self Correct word choice
is possible
on
the best imagination. There are a variety of advantages.Change preposition
with
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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point to improve coherence. For example, your essay could benefit from discussing the advantages in one paragraph and the disadvantages in another.
task response
Develop your arguments more thoroughly. For example, you mentioned that young adults can lead development with advanced technology, but you could elaborate on this point by providing specific examples or scenarios.
coherence
Focus on improving language accuracy. For instance, 'humans' should be replaced by 'people,' and some sentences could benefit from grammatical corrections to make them clearer.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical structure.
task response
You've made a good attempt at balancing both advantages and disadvantages, which makes your essay well-rounded.