At the present time, populations of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

There is no doubt that these days young

humans

Use synonyms

are becoming a huge number in some countries rather than older

people

Use synonyms

. The question is, in some countries have populations , young

people

Use synonyms

are

Correct quantifier usage

more variety

show examples

variety

Replace the word

varied

show examples

than older

people

Use synonyms

in somewhere. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will compare between advantages and disadvantages to discover

what

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

the main reason.

Body paragraph 1

First and foremost, there are several disadvantages of populations of some regions

according to

Linking Words

young

adults

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, one of the

most

Correct word choice

biggest

show examples

downsides

that

Add a missing verb

is that

show examples

older

humans

Use synonyms

became

Verb problem

have

show examples

had old experiences in spite of they had educated but not their educated had not

serve

Change the verb form

served

show examples

in the modern-day.

For example

Linking Words

, in my own country, companies must search for fresh graduates to improve their business successfully.

In addition

Linking Words

, older

people

Use synonyms

do not have a passion to learn or change their comfort zone

also

Linking Words

, they are not creative.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I totally believe that the merits of populations of some countries have young

adults

Use synonyms

more than older

people

Use synonyms

. To compare, the benefits outweigh, in

this

Linking Words

case, young

adults

Use synonyms

having

capability

Change the article

the capability

show examples

to accomplish several in the future.

Also

Linking Words

, they lead the development by using advanced technology in order to cross the world with successful achievement.

Otherwise

Linking Words

, older

humans

Use synonyms

became utilise the same routine

for

Change preposition

show examples

do many things.

Moreover

Linking Words

, young

people

Use synonyms

have

new

Correct article usage

a new

show examples

education and

open

Add an article

an open

show examples

mind to understand the difference in the world.

Conclusion

To sum up

Linking Words

, I strongly think that if any counties

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

population

Add an article

a population

show examples

of young

adults

Use synonyms

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more than older

humans

Use synonyms

, it

locky

Correct word choice

is possible

show examples

to provide them-self

Change preposition

with

show examples

the best imagination. There are a variety of advantages.

nahlaalrashidi

Jun 3, 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point to improve coherence. For example, your essay could benefit from discussing the advantages in one paragraph and the disadvantages in another.

task response

Develop your arguments more thoroughly. For example, you mentioned that young adults can lead development with advanced technology, but you could elaborate on this point by providing specific examples or scenarios.

coherence

Focus on improving language accuracy. For instance, 'humans' should be replaced by 'people,' and some sentences could benefit from grammatical corrections to make them clearer.

structure

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical structure.

task response

You've made a good attempt at balancing both advantages and disadvantages, which makes your essay well-rounded.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
These days, numerous parents are working because of their family expenses. A large number of people believe that toddlers get many benefits when their parents as working parents, whereas others feel that children lack support due to their parents going to work. I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons.
6.5
band
Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals, which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?
It is widely acknowledged that many species are facing extinction, and while some people believe we should protect all species, others argue we should only protect those that benefit humans. I agree with the latter view because extinction is a natural process, and wildlife protection requires significant resources that should be allocated strategically.
7.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In certain countries, people are more frequently interested in finding out, stories of their homes or their constructions. I believe they are requiring this for safety and legal purposes and they can do this by searching through the records of their city council or interviewing the previous owner.
7.5
band
Many people today own smartphones, which bring both advantages and disadvantages. Do you think the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh the drawbacks?
Digital devices have simplified everyday living as they provide various new functions to connect with the world. Due to this, people prefer to buy advanced gadgets; however, they come with both advantages and disadvantages. I strongly believe that the benefits of new technology outweigh the drawbacks because it offers multiple ways of communicating and instant access to information.
7.5
band
Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news event.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
The importance of social media platforms is significant and advanced digital mediums connect the masses worldwide, and they share and promote recent conflicts among people which was always been debatable and has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial while others reject this notion. The substantial influence of this trend has sparked controversy over its potential influence in recent years. In my opinion, the former proposition appears to be more rational. This essay will further elaborate my personal perspective and thus will lead to a logical conclusion.

At the present time, populations of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals, which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Many people today own smartphones, which bring both advantages and disadvantages. Do you think the benefits of owning a smartphone outweigh the drawbacks?

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news event.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?