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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004.
#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country
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The line graph illustrates the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of free kinds of meat (
Chichen
Correct your spelling
chicken
show examples
,
Beef
Use synonyms
,Lamb) and fish per person per week
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1979 to 2004.
Unites
Correct your spelling
Units
show examples
 are measured in grams.
Overall
Linking Words
,the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of fish had the lowest position in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 year and
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
this
Linking Words
 meaning
Change preposition
for all
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all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 period,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
beef
Use synonyms
 was 230 approximately in 1979 and had
oscillate
Correct article usage
an oscillate
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 tendency and reached
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
figure
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 130
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in 2004.
At
Change preposition
During
show examples
 the same
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the
chicken
Use synonyms
 was
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
 less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 150
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 but gradually
grove
Correct your spelling
grew
show examples
 and
became
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 the highest position of 250
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in the final year. with regards the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
beef
Use synonyms
 was 230
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 and had fluctuated movement until 1989
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 was replaced by
chicken
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 started to dramatically decrease until 2004
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 reached
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
 more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 120
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
.
Likewise
Linking Words
chicken
Use synonyms
 had
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
 ceiling trend until 1989
Correct word choice
when
show examples
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 reached 200
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 per week
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
overcome the meaning of
beef
Use synonyms
 and became the most popular
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
 in 2004.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of fish was around 60
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in 1979.
This
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 had
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
 trend with
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 oscillation around 50
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
Change preposition
in all
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 period until 1998 and minimally
plummet
Wrong verb form
plummeted
show examples
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
 less
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 50
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
Linking Words
finally
Correct word choice
and finally
show examples
 stayed the least popular given item.The lamb's
figure
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 exactly 150
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in the first year
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 dropped and became less
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
chicken
Use synonyms
 in 1980 after slightly
fluctuated
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 and eventually
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 to 50
Use synonyms
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 in 2004.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, beef, figure, gram, chicken with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
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