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Writing Samples
Band 4

The bar chart shows the average number of hours students in five different universities studied.

The bar chart shows the average number of hours students in five different universities studied.
#bar #hours #students #five #universities
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Contained in the bar chart is data relating to how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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hours
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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students studied in five different colleges. Units are measured in
hours
Use synonyms
. From my observational perspective, it can be seen that students spent all
Correct pronoun usage
their times
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 studying on weekdays rather than
weekends
Change preposition
at weekends
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, another salient point is that
Use synonyms
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 D and E had notable
different
Replace the word
differences
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 in study between weekdays and weekends. Looking at the figures in
further
Linking Words
 detail, it can be observed that the average of
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 studying in
Use synonyms
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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 B, C and E of students on weekdays
about
Add a missing verb
is about
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 0,1: 10,6; and 10
hours
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
university
Use synonyms
 D was the lowest
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 to learn approximately 9,6
hours
Use synonyms
 per day. The second-lowest average of 9,8
hours
Use synonyms
 from
university
Use synonyms
 A. Moving on to the remaining statistics,
university
Use synonyms
 A had the highest average of 9
hours
Use synonyms
 per day
while
Linking Words
university
Use synonyms
 D had the smallest
the
Correct article usage
apply
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average number of
hours
Use synonyms
 around 5,6
hours
Use synonyms
 on weekends.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, university with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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