IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the increasing popularity of internet shopping will eventually result in the disappearance of all retail outlets in urban areas.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I believe that
shops
Use synonyms
 will continue to exist but that there will be significant changes to town and city centres. There are some products that will always be in demand for immediate purchase from a local shop. These include daily essentials
such
Linking Words
 as milk and bread,
as well as
Linking Words
 treats
such
Linking Words
 as wine, beer and confectionary that are often bought on impulse. The future of
shops
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 secured by the fact that shopping has become a form of entertainment, especially the buying of clothes and non-essential luxury items. People love to browse and purchase on a whim. What I envisage will change significantly is the nature of our high streets and city centres. I think that more and more retail chains will join the growing trend of relocating their
shops
Use synonyms
 to out-of-town retail parks. Former shopping streets will be repurposed as entertainment centres populated by
café’s
Change noun form
café
show examples
, restaurants, take-ways and small live-music venues. In conclusion, I do not agree that the growing trend for shopping online will lead to the demise of
brick and mortar
Add a hyphen
brick-and-mortar
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
. The real picture will see the continued relocation of most retail outlets from the high street and city centre and they will be replaced by entertainment spaces or converted to residential use.

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task achievement
You have clearly stated your position on the topic in the introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, try to include a stronger thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader more clearly on what to expect in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are mostly clear and flow well from one to the next. To improve, consider using more linking words to help the reader follow your ideas more easily. For example, words like 'therefore' and 'however' can connect your thoughts more effectively.
task achievement
While your ideas are supported, adding a few more specific examples or data could strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific retail chains that have moved could provide more weight to your claim about changing high streets.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You made good points about the importance of immediate purchase and the entertainment value of shopping, which shows your understanding of consumer behavior.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
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