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Band 3

When asked to choose between a life without wỏk and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with the statement

#life #wỏk #time #people #work
Nowadays, when choosing a
life
 without working and working most of the time,
people
 will always choose
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
not to
work
. In the opinion of the writer thing that the statement is only one of the small part of
people
 who
very
Add a missing verb
are very
show examples
 lazy in the world because to have the modern world at present,
people
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do so much to get it.
Firstly
, it can be seen that at
this
 are, to have many modern
city
Change to a plural noun
cities
show examples
, giant buildings,
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
,...thousands of workers have to
work
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 all of their energy, scientists must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do thousands
Change preposition
of ecperiment
show examples
ecperiment
Correct your spelling
experiment
 to
creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 the modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 for
people
 now, so if without doing anything,
people
 will never have a good quality
life
.
Secondly
,
people
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
, but they know how to contact with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
, they study how to improve themselves and society, they learn how to
work
 effectively,..that reason
told
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that
people
 have more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 than animals
that
Change preposition
because
show examples
 they hard-working to improve themselves and society so if they have a
life
 without doing anything,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 will
also
 the same with the animals. In conclusion, the writer
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that
people
when
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 live in a society have to
work
o
Change preposition
to
show examples
 help each
Correct your spelling
other
others
orthes to
Correct your spelling
other
 develop
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a better quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
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relevant specific examples
To achieve a higher band score, it's important to develop and support the main ideas with clearer and more specific examples. For instance, you can give concrete instances of how innovations have improved the quality of life due to hard work.
logical structure
Work on refining the logical flow of your essay. Use more linking words and phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'Thus,' to enhance the logical connection between your ideas and paragraphs.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve clarity and comprehension. For example, 'people also a animal' should be 'people are also animals'. Consistently review your essay for such mistakes.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps to frame your argument.
complete response
You have made an effort to address the prompt and provided a rationale for your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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