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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts (e.g. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or dis agree?

#governments #focus #services #arts #e #g #music #dis
In recent years, the government aims to improve public
services
 more than spending on the
arts
such
 as painting and music. The opinion of
this
 writer
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 public
services
 are more vital to concentrate on than the
arts
.
To begin
, it can be seen that spending on public
services
 is a part of developing the
economy
 in a
country
, the
Economy
 is one of the most important things to a developing nation, and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should focus on public
services
 like public transportation and health care to protect both environment and human health.
For example
, Singapore is one of the developed countries which
spending
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 too much money on public
services
.
While
 other countries put more effort into culture and education, Singapore just focuses on
services
, which include all the quality of others. Turning to
arts
, there is a type of improvement in a nation, some individuals believe that a famous performance makes a
country
 well-known in a short time.
For instance
, Korea is a
country
 which developed through music performances, if the performances viral whole the world, the
economy
 will increase.
This
 point may be true but there are many countries that cannot use
arts
 to grow up. In conclusion, focusing on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
services
 has more benefits for a nation than focusing on the
arts
. It helps the
economy
 of a
country
 grow up and puts human life in high quality.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear viewpoint regarding the allocation of government spending between public services and the arts. To improve, make sure to address both aspects (public services and the arts) more equally and provide more balanced and detailed arguments for each side.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion. Transition sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help to achieve this.
task achievement
While there are some relevant examples, they could be further detailed and explained to strengthen your arguments. Providing more context to these examples would make them more compelling and relevant.
task achievement
The essay successfully outlines a clear standpoint and covers both aspects of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to framing the essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your writing exhibits a logical structure, which makes it easier to follow the progression of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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