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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table shows the percentage of government spending on education and training and the participation of 18-24 years old in five countries in 2012.

The table shows the percentage of government spending on education and training and the participation of 18-24 years old in five countries in 2012.
Presented for consideration is a table detailing figures for the proportion of education,training and participation
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being spent by the government from 18 to the age of 24 in different countries namely
Poland
Use synonyms
,Czech Republic,
Romania
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,Hungary,and
Slovenia
Use synonyms
 in the year 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that in expenditure
rate
Use synonyms
,
Poland
Use synonyms
 was the country that had the lowest percentage
while
Linking Words
Slovenia
Use synonyms
 was the highest.Moving to the participation
rate
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,
Poland
Use synonyms
 was at the peak
while
Linking Words
Romania
Use synonyms
 had the lowest percentage. It can
also
Linking Words
 be noted that in expenditure
rate
Use synonyms
,
Poland
Use synonyms
 was the lowest with 5%,the Czech Republic held at 9%
whereas
Linking Words
Romania
Use synonyms
 just bit over with 10%.Turning to Hungary which stood at 13%
while
Linking Words
Slovenia
Use synonyms
 was the highest with a quarter. Speaking of participation
rate
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,
Poland
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 was the biggest amount with 44%,
Slovenia
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 got 40% just lower than
Poland
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 with 4%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,Hungary with 34% higher than the Czech Republic about 7%.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Romania
Use synonyms
 which was the lowest of the five countries held at 23% in 2012.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words poland, romania, slovenia, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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