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Band 4

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT ALL PEOPLE SHOULD STAY IN FULL-TIME EDUCATION UNTIL THEY ARE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OLD. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISADGREE?

#people #education #years #disadgree
MANY
community
Correct your spelling
COMMUNITY
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 ARE OF THE OPINION THAT
folk
Correct your spelling
FOLK
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 AT LEAST 18
YEARS
 OLD SHOULD STAY IN FULL-TIME discipline. PERSONALLY, I AGREE WITH
THIS
 POINT OF VIEW AND WILL HIGHLIGHT THE REASONS WHY IN THE FOLLOWING ESSAY. IT IS VITAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT culture IS THE NECESSARY THING IN OUR SOCIAL LIFE. IT HELP
nation
Correct your spelling
NATION
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 TO ADD LOTS OF know-how AND TEACH ABOUT COMPULSORY SUBJECTS WHICH CAN APPLY TO LIFESTYLES. THE literacy IN 18
YEARS
 OLD ARE LOTS OF AND FULL judgment CAN GO TO WORK OR EARN MONEY.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IF WE DO NOT WANT TO course MORE, THE GOOD WAY IS WE SHOULD
inquiry
Replace the word
inquire
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 UNTIL 18
YEARS
 OLD
THEN
 WE CAN GET A JOB OR LEARN academy.
THIS
 IS BECAUSE, UNTIL 18
YEARS
 OLD, STUDYING IN 3 SCHOOLS PRIMARY, SECONDARY AND HIGH SCHOOL
ARE
Correct subject-verb agreement
IS
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 FULL AND MAY BE ENOUGH TO SPEND TIME WORKING. ANOTHER POINT WORTH CONSIDERING IS THAT WE SHOULD
inquiry
Replace the word
inquire
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 MORE THAN 18
YEARS
 OLD AND GRADUATE FROM
academy
Correct article usage
THE academy
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.
THIS
 IS BECAUSE expertise IN educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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 IS HIGHER AND LARGEST
THAT
Correct word choice
apply
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IT IS MORE BENEFICIAL FOR society TO GET HIGH JOBS AND HIGH SALARIES.
THEREFORE
,
A
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 academy QUALIFICATION IS MORE BENEFICIAL THAN NOT HAVING IT IN culture.
TO SUM UP
, WE SHOULD HAVE AN improvement AT LEAST 18
YEARS
 OLD TO HELP US GET A JOB MORE EASILY AND THAT AGE IS A GOOD WAY TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND HAVE MORE awareness TO THINK BUT WE SHOULD class IN COLLEGE TO FINISH AND DEVELOP MORE SKILLS AND INCREASE THE CHANCE OF EARNING MORE MONEY.
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grammar
Work on your grammar accuracy. Incorrect word forms and sentence structures make it difficult to understand your points clearly. For example, 'inquiry' should be 'study.'
support
Provide clearer main points and support them with specific and relevant examples. Your main points should be easily identifiable and directly related to the topic.
cohesion
Improve your use of cohesive devices. This will help your essay flow better and make your ideas more understandable. Currently, the transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak.
structure
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have attempted to structure your essay with an introduction, main points, and a conclusion.
content
You make a logical argument for staying in education until at least 18 years old, highlighting the importance of acquiring knowledge and skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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