IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time,people would always choose not to work.Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

If
people
Use synonyms
 are asked to select between a free life and
hard-working
Correct article usage
a hard-working
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 life,
people
Use synonyms
 will always choose a life without
work
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will give some reasons why. There are several main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 always choose not to
work
Use synonyms
. The primary is it is independent to live without
work
Use synonyms
. What I mean is,
when
Correct word choice
that when
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 they go to
work
Use synonyms
, there are lots of problems they have to consider like transportation, time or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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productivity
in
Change preposition
at
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work
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, if they do not make an attempt to
work
Use synonyms
 or you are not busy enough, they can be punished and out of
work
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.
For example
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
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some specific jobs require lots of activities
such
Linking Words
 as actors or blue-collar workers,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will
work
Use synonyms
 hard to complete, so they often do
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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short
Add an article
a short
the short
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 time
of
Change preposition
apply
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period and
then
Linking Words
 retire.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they want to not
work
Use synonyms
 but they still earn money.
In other words
Linking Words
, they do not spend most of their time working and they just relax, but they still want to have
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of money to purchase
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everything they want makes them become
an
Correct article usage
apply
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idler
Fix the agreement mistake
idlers
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that they can live and waste money from their parents, which leads to they can not
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 independent
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 and they will become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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dead-beat
Fix the agreement mistake
dead-beats
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, society
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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fails to become an egalitarian society
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 employment. In conclusion, it has some negative effects on society when
people
Use synonyms
 choose to not
work
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they need to be aware of their job seriously.

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task achievement
Expand on the main points with more specific examples and evidence.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea which is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases; use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify and refine the introduction and conclusion to more effectively frame your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
The essay exhibits a good attempt at discussing the topic from multiple angles.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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