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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, some families want their child to learn at home instead of learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the world nowadays, some families prefer to let their children study at home rather than at school. In my opinion, I conclude that being studied at school will be more effective
due to
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 the reason of communication skills and parents's skills.
First,
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studying at school has more features than at your house.
In other words
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, the teachers may have more qualifications,
hence
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, they can explain in detail deeply, which will give the information to the students in the best way.
For example
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, when you do a workshop with a friend, effective communication skills are the important things that children should learn about.
Moreover
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, it has been required in many aspects of many jobs around the world, which is a remarkable advantage to get qualified for a good job.
Second,
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learning alone at house may lead the child's life to be miserable. What
this
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 means is, that you have to be highly educated to make your child's life easier.
In addition
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, if parents are not qualified enough, they cannot deliver expertise to their kids accurately.
For instance
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, at
this
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 time, without accredited certification and good knowledge, it is almost impossible to get an acceptable job, which will not give students a chance to face a hard life.
Therefore
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, worse education gets a poor result, and
this
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 will affect the future of the world. In conclusion, communication and
parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
show examples
 knowledge
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a crucial
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 in ensuring the students a better position in the future.
It is clear that
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 learning at an institute is more beneficial than at home,
besides
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 that, more effective

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task achievement
The essay attempts to address the task prompt fully, providing clear views on the benefits of studying at school over homeschooling. However, further elaboration on some points and more relevant examples could make the arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion. It could be improved by refining transitions between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Some ideas, such as 'parents' skills' and 'communication skills,' should be more clearly defined and supported with specific examples to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
The writer includes a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, making their stance evident throughout the essay.
relevant specific examples
The essay addresses the importance of communication skills and qualifications of parents, which are relevant points to the topic.
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