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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that parents should limit their children hours of watching tv and playing computer games, but encourage to read books. Do you agree or disagree

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In today's world, digital technology is highly developing, and it contains many things attractive to young
people
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, making them spend all their
time
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 on digital technologies. Many individuals believe that
parents
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 should ask them to spend
time
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 reading
books
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 rather than devoting
time
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 to watching TV and playing digital
games
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. Personally, I totally agree with
this
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 suggestion based on some reasons that are explained in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, teenagers are obsessed with many digital technologies presently, which will make them forget their hobbies, favourite activities and healthy habits.
Additionally
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, when
children
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 use
time
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 for watching TV and playing digital
games
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, they neglect their studies, which leads them to decide to drop out of school.
Moreover
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, young
people
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 will be affected
to
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by
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 mental health when they spend a lot of
time
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 playing some action
games
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, especially
they
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when they
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 are able to hurt others.
Therefore
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, if
parents
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 do not control their
children
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's screen
time
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,
this
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 will affect their future.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 should ask their
children
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 to read more
books
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 than spend
time
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 on unnecessary things. Because
books
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 contain unlimited information and knowledge, which has benefits for readers.
Therefore
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, reading
books
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 is a way to be successful, teenagers are able to gain more knowledge when they spend
time
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 on
books
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, which will help them in the future. If students read
books
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, they can explore many interesting ideas that they do not even know in their lives.
Moreover
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, young
people
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 learn from reading
books
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, which enable
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 apply those skills in their real lives. In conclusion, there are lots of benefits of reading
books
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 that
people
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 should ask their
children
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 to encourage, and hours of watching TV and playing
games
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 should be
litmited
Correct your spelling
limited
 by
parents
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.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that you adequately develop each idea.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and outlines the purpose of the essay.
coherence
You have structured your essay into clear paragraphs, which aids readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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