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Writing Samples /
Band 5

The tendency that news reports in media focus on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society.

#tendency #news #reports #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
It is believed that the main trend of
media
 channels, focuses on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious problems and information society rather than positive
news
,
this
 mainstream is harmful to
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
. The writer of
this
 essay will consider the pros and cons to give
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
show examples
opion
Correct your spelling
opinion
option
 that
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
show examples
 the positive view.
Firstly
, It is
clearly
Change the word
clear
show examples
 that the higher frequency of
media
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
 on the negative side so much that
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
individuals who always follow it, can
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 had adverse impact on
mental
Correct pronoun usage
their mental
show examples
 state.
Media
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 entertainment facility that greatly affects
people
's lives today as everyone has the habit of following social trends or updating
news
 every day.
For example
,
news
 about terrorism and war has become so popular in the
media
 that some
people
 may hesitate to go abroad for fear of a terrorist attack.
Secondly
, it can
also
 make
people
 misunderstand about many aspects of society.
For example
, many tabloid newspapers,
such
 as 14 Vietnamese channels, always focus on exploiting scandals of famous
people
, which can mislead the public about the mistakes of Vietnamese showbiz.
However
, in fact, it is an industry
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 many
people
 are making great contributions to society.
On the other hand
, focusing on negative issues rather than positive development is advantageous in some way.
Firstly
, the
media
 is an effective way to spread information, to even the most remote places, and
this
 can help bring
people
 together to solve serious problems.
Secondly
, it can help raise
people
's awareness. The more negative stories that appear in the
media
, the higher the chance that
people
 will be aware of those problems and act towards a solution.
For example
,
news
 about cancer has now become a popular topic in the
media
, and
as a result
, a large number of
people
 have turned to a healthier lifestyle.
To conclude
, there are good reasons for the
media
 to cover all issues,
although
 the associated negative effects should be considered.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing both the negative and positive effects of media focusing on problems and emergencies. However, you could strengthen your task achievement by presenting a clearer stance in your introduction and conclusion. Make sure your opinion is clearly stated and supported throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure with a clear division between pros and cons. Improvement can be made by using more transition words to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence outlining the main idea.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the effect of terrorism news on people's willingness to travel and the impact of cancer stories on lifestyle changes.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which help frame the discussion and provide closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
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