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Writing Samples
Band 5

the chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australia cities.

the chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australia cities.
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The Barchart data on the number of
people
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 drinking and selling coffees and tees in
Sydney
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,
Melbourne
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,
Brisbane
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,
Adelaide
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 and
Hobart
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
people
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 who preferred going to a café for
coffee
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 or tea
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 at a high level, buying fresh
coffee
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 was at the lowest level
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
 city. Starting with the diagram of individuals who drank
coffee
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 and tea in a café in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks, considered it as the highest result. In
Sydney
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, it reached approximately 62 per
cent
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. In
Brisbane
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, it's a little bit higher than 55 per
cent
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, which we cannot say about
Adelaide
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, where
this
Linking Words
 result is almost fifty. Regarding
Melbourne
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 and
Hobart
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, their results are the same, it's about 64 per
cent
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. Regarding
Add an article
the
show examples
percentage of
people
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 who bought instant
coffee
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks, in
Sydney
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this
Linking Words
 rate is a little bit more than 45, in
Melbourne
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 it's nearly 48 per
cent
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, in
Adelaide
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,
this
Linking Words
 number reached exactly fifty. In
Hobart
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, it's almost 55 per
cent
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, and
finally
Linking Words
, in
Brisbane
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, it's a little bit lower. Ending with the
people
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 who bought fresh
coffee
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. The lowest percentage is in
Brisbane
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, where only about thirty 4 per
cent
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, in
Adelaide
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 it is almost 35, in
Hobart
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, it achieved 38 per
cent
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, in
Sydney
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 and in
Melbourne
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 almost the same, approximately 43 per
cent
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, sydney, melbourne, brisbane, adelaide, hobart, coffee, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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