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Band 5

The education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important, and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #adults #governments #money
Prioritising
education
 for
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 generation is universally acknowledged, with countries investing significant
resources
 in
this
 endeavour.
While
 educating adults who lack basic literacy skills is important, diverting more financial
resources
 towards
this
 cause may not be the most effective strategy. In
this
 essay, I will argue against the notion that educating
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
illeterate
Correct your spelling
illiterate
 is more important, and government should allocate additional funds to the
education
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults who cannot read or write. Primarily, investing in the
education
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people is a strategic approach that addresses the root of the issue. By providing
education
 through formative years, societies can empower young people with foundational skills that extend into adulthood.
For instance
, countries with robust primary
education
 systems often witness lower rates of
adult
 illiteracy
due to
 the early cultivation of essential skills.
Furthermore
, the allocation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources
 should consider the broader impact on societal development. Concentrating solely on
adult
education
 may neglect
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 contributions
youth
Change preposition
of youth
show examples
 to the
overall
 process of a nation. A well-educated and skilled
workfoce
Correct your spelling
workforce
 emerging from a comprehensive
education
 system can drive economic growth, technological innovation, and societal development. By fostering a literate and skilled younger generation, governments lay the foundation for sustainable progress across various sectors. In conclusion,
while
 addressing
adult
illteracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
literacy
 is important, enhancing the
education
 of young people remains a strategic investment that yields multifaceted benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The allocation of the
resources
 that
prioritises
Correct subject-verb agreement
prioritise
show examples
 comprehensive
education
 during the early years
ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
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 a more sustainable and impactful approach to societal development and
therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
education
 should never get more priority in terms of
effors
Correct your spelling
efforts
effort
,
resources
 and funds from the state.
Submitted by sejal.h on

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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly and directly. While the essay generally argues against allocating more funds toward adult education, it should more explicitly acknowledge the importance of this education and discuss it in more balanced terms.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that all paragraphs are logically connected and flow smoothly from one idea to the next. There are a few abrupt transitions that could be improved by adding linking words or phrases.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This can help strengthen your argument and provide concrete evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-presented, but they could be more thoroughly developed. Each point should be clearly explained and supported with details or examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and contribute towards answering the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy programs
  • functional illiteracy
  • social mobility
  • inter-generational poverty
  • workforce development
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • public health
  • civic participation
  • resource allocation
  • national development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: