In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Presently, there is an increasing number of young
adults
who are believed to continue to live with their parents
although
having completed their education Change preposition
despite
as well as
securing
employment. Wrong verb form
secured
While
its benefit would be financial stability, the drawbacks of the risk of stagnation in personal growth alongside conflicts greatly outweigh the pros.
One of the disadvantages of this
situation is that the close bond between family members within the household leads to arguements
. Correct your spelling
arguments
In other words
, different expectations, lifestyle
and values between mature individuals Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
along with
their parents
may climax in disagreements over various issues, such
as household chores, finances or personal choices. As a consequence
, these conflicts will worsen family relationships, creating an atmosphere of resenment
, or even more, results in estrangement between the members, undermining the unity within the house Correct your spelling
resentment
while
preventing communication as well as
mutual understanding.
While
some people think that living with parents
brings about the advantage of stability in fanance
, Correct your spelling
finance
which
can be put in another way that sharing accommodation with Correct pronoun usage
it
parents
may allow young adults
to deal with economic uncertainty together with
soaring living costs. Therefore
, they can ease the burden of rent, ultilities
and other expenses, Correct your spelling
utilities
allocate
more funds toward their future career or Correct word choice
and allocate
further
education. This
point may be true, however
, were adults
to rely on their parents
in terms of financial support, they would create a sense of dependency and entitlement, yet
leading to the delay of their ability to learn essential skills in order to establish themselves as financially independent individuals.
Another cons of mature Correct word choice
apply
people
cohabitation with Change noun form
people's
parents
is the potential of
personal growth to Change preposition
for
be stagnated
. To put it simply, without the challenges Wrong verb form
stagnate
as well as
responsibilities of independent living, young inexperience
Replace the word
inexperienced
adults
will find themselves in a state of interia
or lacking Correct your spelling
inertia
of
motivation. Remove the preposition
apply
Moreover
, vital skills, such
as budgeting, time management and problem-solving, will remain undeveloped, causing dependency on parental guidance alongside support well into adulthood. This
will results
in these individuals struggling to adapt to the demands of real Change the verb form
result
situation
in society Fix the agreement mistake
situations
together with
self-fulfillment
, which will hinder long-term prospects for success and actualization.
Change the spelling
self-fulfilment
To sum up
, although
living with parents
offers support in finance for adult people, it also
carries the
risks in terms of personal growth Correct article usage
apply
along with
conflicts in decisions, thereby being a considerable problem to be debated in the media.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well but could benefit from more specific examples to support the points made. Adding relevant real-life scenarios or studies could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is generally good, but some sentences are a bit unclear or awkwardly phrased. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay by presenting the main point and summarizing key arguments.
task achievement
The essay successfully provides a balanced discussion by acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages of the topic in question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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