IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The tendency of news media to focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments is harmful for individuals and the society. To what extend do you agree

#tendency #news #media #focus #emergencies #developments #individuals #society
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Presently,
news
 media are more tend to work on crises rather than positive aspects. Some
people
 argue, that it can have some disadvantages for communities. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement, and
this
 essay will argue that the tendency of broadcast problems is more beneficial for
people
's awareness and their preparation,
besides
 it can develop their trade.
To begin
 with, when
news
 media provide alerts for folk, they can be more ready for emergency situations which could help them to cope with difficult situations with more preparedness.
For instance
, when they get information about rebellion and civil war they can predict future problems,
such
 as financial increases and impending disasters.
Moreover
, as they increase their information, they can have more ability to protect themselves and their family in public.
Additionally
, with increasing knowledge, mankind is able to communicate better and interact with other countries, which assists them in developing their work.
while
 they improve their businesses, they can earn more income. The higher
salary
Correct article usage
the salary
show examples
 they can receive, the higher
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 system they can have, which can give a strong aid for their communication.
For example
, many companies
such
 as Amazon, predict the needs of underprivileged countries and try to meet their requirement with some offers on the cost of products. Despite the above reasons, bad
news
 could able to mental problems for residents, especially elderly folk and children, who have less ability to care for themselves.
Nevertheless
, the benefits of
news
medi
Correct your spelling
media
 are more than drawbacks. In conclusion,
news
 media could have more advantages for the
people
 who live in a country, as they can increase their awareness and improve their business skills. Not only does it help companies, but
also
 it gets more information to
people
.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

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writing clarity
The essay could benefit from a clearer articulation of ideas. Some sentences are complex and could be simplified for better understanding.
grammar
Consistent tense usage would improve readability. There are instances where the tense is inconsistent, which can confuse the reader.
evidence usage
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. For instance, when mentioning financial increases due to rebellion and civil wars, citing specific historical occurrences could strengthen your argument.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task completion
You have addressed the task by discussing both the benefits and potential drawbacks of news media focusing on crises.
idea novelty
The idea of improving business skills and international communication through news awareness is an interesting and unique perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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