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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that it is the best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have healthy diet.

Some people argue that
schools
Use synonyms
 should take responsibility for encouraging
children
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 to follow a healthy diet,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
this
Linking Words
 duty should fall on
parents
Use synonyms
. There is
ongoing
Correct article usage
an ongoing
show examples
 debate about who plays the most significant role in shaping
children
Use synonyms
’s eating
habits
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. In my view,
although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 are highly influential,
schools
Use synonyms
 are equally important in promoting nutritious lifestyles. Teachers and
schools
Use synonyms
 can play a vital role in encouraging healthy eating. Since
children
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 spend a large proportion of their day at school, the meals provided in canteens strongly affect their choices. By offering balanced menus and limiting access to unhealthy snacks,
schools
Use synonyms
 can guide students towards better dietary
habits
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, lessons about nutrition can raise awareness of the long-term benefits of eating well,
such
Linking Words
 as preventing obesity and improving concentration in class.
Thus
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 act not only as providers of food but
also
Linking Words
 as educators in shaping lifelong
habits
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 remain the primary influence on
children
Use synonyms
’s diets. Young people usually have their breakfast and dinner at home, meaning that
parents
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 control what food is purchased and prepared. If
parents
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 consistently provide fruits, vegetables, and other nutritious meals,
children
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 are more likely to adopt these patterns.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
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 often imitate their
parents
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’
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, so when
parents
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 demonstrate healthy eating themselves, they set a powerful example. Without
this
Linking Words
 reinforcement at home, efforts made by teachers may lose their effectiveness. In conclusion, both
parents
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 and
schools
Use synonyms
 share responsibility for promoting a healthy diet, but their roles complement each other.
Schools
Use synonyms
 can provide education and opportunities,
while
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 ensure that healthy
habits
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 are consistently
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 at home. A joint effort from both sides is the most effective way to encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to adopt nutritious eating patterns.

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task response
Add more exact facts or small life facts to show a point.
coherence cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer with a topic sentence in each paragraph.
language
Use short, simple sentences to keep the meaning clear.
examples
Give one or two more clear examples to support the points.
content
Clear view that both schools and parents matter.
structure
Good structure with an intro and a clear conclusion.
coherence
Use of linking words helps flow.
examples
Examples from home and school support points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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