Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Children
spend extended periods of time
on their mobile phones and this
is because of the influence of social media
. This
can have a negative impact on them by hooking them with their phones and prevent
them from having a healthy lifestyle.
Social Wrong verb form
preventing
media
apps are made to engage with the viewers. Children
feel the fear of missing out when they are not up-to-date with the posts of their friends and favourite influencer
. Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
This
peer pressure makes them addicted to their devices, not letting them to
do other activities. Change the verb form
apply
For instance
, an online survey mentioned that a majority of the
mobile owners spend 80% of their screen Correct article usage
apply
time
on social media
.
Spending hours daily on mobile devices can be detrimental to the physical and mental health of the children
. Time
spent on phone
is the Add an article
the phone
time
lost to go outside and do physical activities. Many children
in recent times are obese and have poor sedentary lifestyle
. When parents are asked the reason for Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
this
crisis, most told
that their Verb problem
say
children
are glued to their phones scrolling social media
or playing games.
In conclusion, the captivating nature of social media
application
is the reason why many Fix the agreement mistake
applications
children
spend several hours on smartphones, and this
can lead to them being indoors and not participating in physical activities, thus
leading to health problems. Therefore
, it is best to limit the time
spent on such
devices and participate in sports or other physically demanding tasks to stay healthy.Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on
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task achievement
While the essay presents clear ideas and relevant examples, try to add more specific details or personal anecdotes to make your points even stronger. Adding more depth to your examples can help achieve a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is generally well-structured, paragraph transitions could be smoother. Use cohesive devices like 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' or 'on the other hand' to link ideas more clearly and improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
A few sentences could benefit from more precise language. For example, instead of 'hooking them with their phones,' 'making them excessively reliant on their phones' would be more accurate.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to both questions posed in the task. You clearly state why children spend a lot of time on their smartphones and explain why this is a negative development.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively. This makes your essay easier to read and understand.
task achievement
You’ve included relevant examples that help to support your main points, making your argument more persuasive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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