IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents are better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In these fast-paced days, families feel the urge to get help to raise their
kids
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 in the best way possible. Since most
of
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apply
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The
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apply
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parents are working, it is undeniably vital to choose their optimum helpers. Some people believe that
kindegartens
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kindergarteners
are the most suitable
while
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 others insist on dropping off their
kids
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 at their grandparents . Each view
have
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has
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 its own fans
however
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 I side with childcare
centres
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 which
areyielding
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are yielding
yielding
better results. On one hand, many families tend to get professional help from kindergartens to take care of offspring for many obvious reasons. First and probably most ,
centres
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 provide
variety
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a variety
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 of instructors and practical game courses rather than just taking care of them in that particular hours.
As a
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result
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result,
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 teamwork and a sense of sharing can be grown at
the
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a
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 very early
ages
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age
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of
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in
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 life
.
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Consequently
consequently
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 playing with their peer group will build
this
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 social character more comprehensively.
On the other hand
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, some mothers are naturally super protective so that their sole trust corner is the house of their baby's grandmother.Inevitably these senior guardians are a big help in the financial aspect. Since the effect of high inflation rates is no surprise for anyone
as a result
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 many working parents may not be able to afford those expensive daycare services .
As a result
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,it is believed that children can
also
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 get the chance to cherish the feeling of support and make stronger family bonds in their seniors' company. In conclusion , the caregiving option in
centres
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 alongside the child's peer groups
which
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apply
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improves their actions in
societies
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society
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 and teamwork. Another group prefer their
kids
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 to be taken care
by
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of by
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 their grandparents to support them financially.
Although
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 Both sides
has
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have
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 their own logical merits,I assume the caregiver
centres
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' labour seems inexorably irreplaceable so families should not withhold any expenditure from their
kids
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 and understand the serious role of
a
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apply
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professional help rather than just spending some time with an older guardian.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and discusses both views, which is essential. However, you could enhance your arguments by offering more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly presented, but there are a few places where the language could be more precise. Avoid repetitive phrases and unnecessary fillers to make your writing more engaging and effective.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, certain parts of the essay should be more clearly connected. Use transitional phrases and sentences to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your concluding paragraph successfully summarizes the main points and gives your perspective. Consider strengthening your conclusion by reiterating the importance of your viewpoint with additional convincing arguments.
coherence cohesion
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and provide a logical conclusion, which strengthens the overall coherence of your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, showing a well-rounded approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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