Too much emphasis is placed on education. More government money should be spent on providing free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education is becoming
all-pervasive
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more pervasive
show examples
in
this
modern world than ever before.
However
, there is a belief that the fund of government should be used more
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
younger’s
activities
.
Whereas
many put forward
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
proposition, I hold to the belief that using more
money
for
activities
not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
but
also
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
children
more interested in
Add an article
the lesson
a lesson
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
by organizing extracurricular. First and foremost, spending more
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
younger individual
activities
can improve
their
Change the word
the
show examples
soft
skills
that
needed
Add a missing verb
are needed
show examples
for their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. Obviously, learning academic lesson too much
make
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makes
show examples
children
don’t know how
todo
Correct your spelling
to do
show examples
basic
skills
to
service
Replace the word
serve
show examples
their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
in the future.
For example
,
children
who learn academic
skills
are not
as well as
students whose schools organize
solf
Correct your spelling
solve
skill classes
such
as cooking, computer, sewing and so on.
Thus
, government
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
should be spent for
children
to organize more
work shops
Correct your spelling
workshops
show examples
when they have free time. Another benefit of using
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
for
children
’s
activities
is it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
children
more concentrate on academic lessons. There is incontrovertible evidence that
children
are interested in playing more than learning so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
organizing
eatracurriculars
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
extracurricular
about biology or something else
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
easy to remember the lesson. Take experiments as an example, certainly
Add a comma
,
show examples
every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
who
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
show examples
chemistry they are interested in experiments than theories and
experimenrs
Correct your spelling
researchers
can
also
make
hem
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
remember longer than learn by heart all of theories. To recapitulate, spending
money
on free time
activities
with the
exellentamenities
Correct your spelling
excellent amenities
that it offers young people
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
has been a position of
strenghth
Correct your spelling
strength
for their future by improving their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
with soft
skills
.
Additionally
, provided that outdoor
activities
organised
Add a missing verb
are organised
show examples
balancely
Correct your spelling
balance
, the
children
will significantly benefit from
this
.
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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