Too much emphasis is placed on education. More government money should be spent on providing free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education is becoming
all-pervasive
Replace the word
more pervasive

The word all-pervasive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

modern world than ever before.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is a belief that the fund of government should be used more
in
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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younger’s
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many put forward
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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proposition, I hold to the belief that using more
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves

It seems that the verb improve does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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young
people
Change noun form
people's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills

It seems that skill may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes

It seems that the verb make does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

more interested in
Add an article
the lesson
a lesson

The noun phrase lesson seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons

It seems that lesson may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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by organizing extracurricular. First and foremost, spending more
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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younger individual
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can improve
their
Change the word
the

The word their may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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soft
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

that
needed
Add a missing verb
are needed

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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for their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives

It appears that the noun lifes is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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. Obviously, learning academic lesson too much
make
Change the verb form
makes

The plural verb make does not appear to agree with the singular subject lesson. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

don’t know how
todo
Correct your spelling
to do

The word todo doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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basic
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
service
Replace the word
serve

The word service doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives

It appears that the noun lifes is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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in the future.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who learn academic
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are not
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

students whose schools organize
solf
Correct your spelling
solve

If you don’t want solf to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

skill classes
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as cooking, computer, sewing and so on.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, government
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds

It seems that fund may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should be spent for
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to organize more
work shops
Correct your spelling
workshops

The word work shops seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
when they have free time. Another benefit of using
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money

The noun phrase money seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
for
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

’s
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is it
make
Change the verb form
makes

The verb make does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

more concentrate on academic lessons. There is incontrovertible evidence that
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are interested in playing more than learning so
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
organizing
eatracurriculars
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
extracurricular

If you don’t want eatracurriculars to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

about biology or something else
make
Change the verb form
makes

The verb make does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
it

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
easy to remember the lesson. Take experiments as an example, certainly
Add a comma
,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase certainly. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
every
students
Change to a singular noun
student

The singular quantifier every is followed by the plural noun students. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

show examples
who
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns

It seems that the verb learn does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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chemistry they are interested in experiments than theories and
experimenrs
Correct your spelling
researchers

If you don’t want experimenrs to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

make
hem
Correct your spelling
them

The word hem doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
remember longer than learn by heart all of theories. To recapitulate, spending
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on free time
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with the
exellentamenities
Correct your spelling
excellent amenities

If you don’t want exellentamenities to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

that it offers young people
being
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb being appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
has been a position of
strenghth
Correct your spelling
strength

If you don’t want strenghth to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

for their future by improving their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives

It appears that the noun lifes is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

show examples
with soft
skills
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, provided that outdoor
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

organised
Add a missing verb
are organised

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
balancely
Correct your spelling
balance

If you don’t want balancely to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, the
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will significantly benefit from
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

.

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grammatical accuracy
Work on your grammar and sentence structures to improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using linking words and phrases effectively.
thesis statement
The essay clearly states its position on the topic.
essay structure
The introduction and conclusion are both present and contribute to the overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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