Too much emphasis is placed on education. More government money should be spent on providing free-time activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Education is becoming
all-pervasive
Replace the word
more pervasive
show examples
in
this
Linking Words
modern world than ever before.
However
Linking Words
, there is a belief that the fund of government should be used more
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
younger’s
activities
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
many put forward
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
proposition, I hold to the belief that using more
money
Use synonyms
for
activities
Use synonyms
not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
soft
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
children
Use synonyms
more interested in
Add an article
the lesson
a lesson
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
by organizing extracurricular. First and foremost, spending more
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
younger individual
activities
Use synonyms
can improve
their
Change the word
the
show examples
soft
skills
Use synonyms
that
needed
Add a missing verb
are needed
show examples
for their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. Obviously, learning academic lesson too much
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
children
Use synonyms
don’t know how
todo
Correct your spelling
to do
show examples
basic
skills
Use synonyms
to
service
Replace the word
serve
show examples
their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
in the future.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
who learn academic
skills
Use synonyms
are not
as well as
Linking Words
students whose schools organize
solf
Correct your spelling
solve
skill classes
such
Linking Words
as cooking, computer, sewing and so on.
Thus
Linking Words
, government
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
should be spent for
children
Use synonyms
to organize more
work shops
Correct your spelling
workshops
show examples
when they have free time. Another benefit of using
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
for
children
Use synonyms
’s
activities
Use synonyms
is it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
children
Use synonyms
more concentrate on academic lessons. There is incontrovertible evidence that
children
Use synonyms
are interested in playing more than learning so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
organizing
eatracurriculars
Correct your spelling
extracurriculars
extracurricular
about biology or something else
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
easy to remember the lesson. Take experiments as an example, certainly
Add a comma
,
show examples
every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
who
learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
show examples
chemistry they are interested in experiments than theories and
experimenrs
Correct your spelling
researchers
can
also
Linking Words
make
hem
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
remember longer than learn by heart all of theories. To recapitulate, spending
money
Use synonyms
on free time
activities
Use synonyms
with the
exellentamenities
Correct your spelling
excellent amenities
that it offers young people
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
has been a position of
strenghth
Correct your spelling
strength
for their future by improving their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
with soft
skills
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, provided that outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
organised
Add a missing verb
are organised
show examples
balancely
Correct your spelling
balance
, the
children
Use synonyms
will significantly benefit from
this
Linking Words
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammatical accuracy
Work on your grammar and sentence structures to improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using linking words and phrases effectively.
thesis statement
The essay clearly states its position on the topic.
essay structure
The introduction and conclusion are both present and contribute to the overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: