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Band 6

Some people argue that it is the government's responsibility to transport children to school while others believe that parents should do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #responsibility #transport #children #school #parents
Some people believe that it is the responsibility of the
government
 to transport
children
 to
school
,
while
 others think that
parents
 should transport their
children
 to
school
. I personally believe that
while
 transporting
children
 to
school
 by the
government
 provides
parents
 with
relief
,
children
 should be transported by their
parents
 to
school
 because it makes the parent-child bond strong. Transporting
children
 to
school
 by the
government
 provides
parents
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relief
. In many families, nowadays, both
parents
 are working.
Therefore
, they cannot manage
time
 to drop their
children
 at
school
 because they have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work commitments. If the
government
 take
this
 responsibility,
parents
 can get
relief
.
For example
, in many primary schools in Bangladesh, the
government
 sends
school
 buses to the homes of the students to carry
children
, and their working
parents
 can go to the office at that
time
.
However
,
children
 need their
parents
while
 going to
school
. If
parents
 transport their
children
 to
school
, it makes the parent-child bond strong.
Parents
 do not get much
time
 to spend with their
children
due to
 their busy work schedules. Many
parents
 cannot manage
time
 to see and talk with their
children
 in a day. If
parents
 can take their
children
 to
school
, they can have the opportunity
of spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
time
 with their
children
 during that
time
.
For instance
,
children
 in Australia want to spend their
time
 with their
parents
while
 going to
school
 because their
parents
 come home at around 11 pm after working long hours.
This
 is the only
time
children
 can spend with their
parents
.
Therefore
, I personally believe that
children
 should taken to
school
 by their
parents
. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
 transportation of
children
 to
school
 by the
government
 provides
parents
 with
relief
,
children
 should transported by their
parents
 because they can spend
time
 with them.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all transitional phrases are smooth to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a slightly deeper analysis of examples to strengthen the points made.
coherence cohesion
You presented a very clear introduction and conclusion, making your position clear from the start and reiterating it effectively at the end.
task achievement
The essay comprehensively addressed both viewpoints, with a strong personal opinion underpinning the argument.
task achievement
Specific examples, like the ones mentioned about Bangladesh and Australia, added depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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