IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that it is the government's responsibility to transport children to school while others believe that parents should do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #responsibility #transport #children #school #parents
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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of the
government
Use synonyms
 to transport
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
parents
Use synonyms
 should transport their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
. I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
 transporting
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 provides
parents
Use synonyms
 with
relief
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 should be transported by their
parents
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 because it makes the parent-child bond strong. Transporting
children
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 to
school
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 provides
parents
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relief
Use synonyms
. In many families, nowadays, both
parents
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 are working.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they cannot manage
time
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 to drop their
children
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 at
school
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 because they have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work commitments. If the
government
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 take
this
Linking Words
 responsibility,
parents
Use synonyms
 can get
relief
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in many primary schools in Bangladesh, the
government
Use synonyms
 sends
school
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 buses to the homes of the students to carry
children
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, and their working
parents
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 can go to the office at that
time
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.
However
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,
children
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 need their
parents
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while
Linking Words
 going to
school
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. If
parents
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 transport their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
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, it makes the parent-child bond strong.
Parents
Use synonyms
 do not get much
time
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 to spend with their
children
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due to
Linking Words
 their busy work schedules. Many
parents
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 cannot manage
time
Use synonyms
 to see and talk with their
children
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 in a day. If
parents
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 can take their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
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, they can have the opportunity
of spending
Change preposition
to spend
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
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 during that
time
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in Australia want to spend their
time
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 with their
parents
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while
Linking Words
 going to
school
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 because their
parents
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 come home at around 11 pm after working long hours.
This
Linking Words
 is the only
time
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 can spend with their
parents
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I personally believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should taken to
school
Use synonyms
 by their
parents
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
Linking Words
 transportation of
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 provides
parents
Use synonyms
 with
relief
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 should transported by their
parents
Use synonyms
 because they can spend
time
Use synonyms
 with them.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all transitional phrases are smooth to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a slightly deeper analysis of examples to strengthen the points made.
coherence cohesion
You presented a very clear introduction and conclusion, making your position clear from the start and reiterating it effectively at the end.
task achievement
The essay comprehensively addressed both viewpoints, with a strong personal opinion underpinning the argument.
task achievement
Specific examples, like the ones mentioned about Bangladesh and Australia, added depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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