Animal habitats have been destroyed, and some animal species (e.g the tiger and the rhino) have become endangered. Why does this happen? What can be done to protect endangered animals?

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The loss of animal habitats

as well as

Linking Words

the decrease in biodiversity is one of the most dire problems the world is facing. In the following essay, I will discuss the reasons behind

this

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issue and propose some solutions to address

this

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problem. First and foremost, wildlife habitats are being destroyed

as a result

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of the industrialization process. Simply put, industrial waste is discharged directly into the environment

such

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as rivers and soil, without going through any process of eliminating toxic substances.

For example

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, Formosa released poisonous waste directly into the river, poisoning water and destroying marine lifeforms,

Moreover

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, deforestation is

also

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a great example of

this

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case, in which forests are cut down for building factories and resorts.

Furthermore

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, poaching is the most prominent why some animals are driven to the verge of extinction.

This

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due to

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the fact that many people believe that animals’ parts

such

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as horns and bones have the extraordinary medical capabilities to increase health and durability, and in some cases, could help people extend their longevity.

For instance

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, rhinos are hunted illegally for their horns, since many people believe that they have the ability to cure cancer.

This

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reduces their numbers to the point there are less than one hundred left.

However

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, some solutions could be employed to tackle

this

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problem.

Firstly

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, the government should issue laws and regulations relating to environmental and fauna protection,

such

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as charging a hefty fine for any company or enterprise that does not employ proper industrial waste procedures and forcing corporations to close their business should they violate these regulations.

Moreover

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, to protect biodiversity, the authorities could create national parks and reservation centres, and deploy rangers to protect endangered species from illegal hunting.

This

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also

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a good way to raise awareness among citizens about the importance of preserving biodiversity on our planet. In conclusion, industrialization and poaching are two main reasons for the loss of wildlife habitats and why some species are on the brink of extinction. To address

this

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issue, the government should promulgate laws and regulations to prevent animals from being hunted illegally and build more national parks and reservation centres to protect wildlife.

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task achievement

Ensure explanations dive deeper into the relationship between industrialization and habitat loss for further clarity.

coherence cohesion

Use more varied linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas and arguments.

task achievement

The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task question, addressing both the causes and solutions.

coherence cohesion

Clear and logical structure with well-defined introduction and conclusion that encapsulates the main ideas.

task achievement

The use of relevant examples, like the Formosa case, effectively supports the essay’s arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

360 words

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Animal habitats have been destroyed, and some animal species (e.g the tiger and the rhino) have become endangered. Why does this happen? What can be done to protect endangered animals?

Your opinion

Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree?

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? what are the main consequences of this issue?

Wild animals do not have enough space.Some people think that protection of wild animals from extinction is a waste of money because it is natural.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.