In many countries are investing in new technology to deal with public. Why is this happening? Do you think it is an appropriate use of government money?

Nowadays,
technology
causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drastical
Correct your spelling
drastic
changes in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person's life.
However
, some
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
contribute more
wealthes
Correct your spelling
wealthy
wealth
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
to deal with
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. It will be
succor
Change the spelling
succour
show examples
government in future to
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
their work effortless. I deem that, it is the right investment of
money
by the government. I will elaborate on my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs. There was more crime before the
inovations
Correct your spelling
innovations
of the
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
technology
. There has been
relectnessly
Correct article usage
a relectnessly
show examples
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
in the population and it is
inavitable
Correct your spelling
impossible
for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
police and
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
to
take
Verb problem
keep
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
eye on
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
For example
, in
almost
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
there are
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
on the road. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, cameras can
moniter
Correct your spelling
monitor
every
vehical
Correct your spelling
vehicle
and cut
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
, if someone
breck
Correct your spelling
break
breaks
a rule.
Moreover
, by tracking
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
policemen can
also
catch
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a
consequently
, it
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimenal
Correct your spelling
criminal
activities in that country.
On the other hand
, there
also
have some negative
impactes
Correct your spelling
impacts
such
as, because of online
transfering
Correct your spelling
transfer
of
money
and data there has been increasing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cyber crimes and
causes
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
negative effect on the country.
However
, in
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
also
distribute
Wrong verb form
distributed
show examples
tabletes
Correct your spelling
tablets
to the
collageans
Correct your spelling
colleges
as a grant, which allocate equal opportunity
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
every
individul
Correct your spelling
individual
to gain
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
.
Furthermore
, by
invasting
Correct your spelling
investing
money
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital board education, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
children to think logically
as well as
gain geography
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
faster with
presice
Correct your spelling
precise
location. In recapitulation, I think if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spend
money
on
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
technology
,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will not only help them to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime but
also
it
also
it
help's
Change noun form
help
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
to gain
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
faster
devlopment
Correct your spelling
development
of the nation.
Submitted by milonishekhaliya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar and Vocabulary
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrases are present, such as 'succor government' and 'relctnessly rising'. It would be beneficial to review and correct these mistakes to improve clarity and readability.
Structure and Flow
The essay needs clearer topic sentences to guide the reader and better transitions between ideas. Currently, the ideas are somewhat disjointed. Improving the logical flow will enhance coherence.
Examples and Evidence
Including more detailed and specific examples to support your points would strengthen the essay. For instance, the mention of cameras reducing crime could include additional data or real-world studies as evidence.
Task Response
The essay addresses the question effectively by providing both reasons for the investment in new technology and an opinion on the appropriateness of the use of government money.
Structure and Flow
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a framework for the essay, which adds to the overall coherence.
Content and Analysis
The essay presents a balanced view by mentioning both positive and negative impacts of technology investment, which demonstrates a thoughtful consideration of different aspects of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!