A lot of people who wanted to become professional athletes gave up this idea because of the fear of failure and parent's pressure. Do you think that parents should support their children who want to da a career in sports? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience?
#people #athletes #idea #fear #failure #parent #pressure #parents #support #children #career #sports #point
In
this
contemporary era, nobody wants that
their Correct word choice
apply
children
take
part in curriculum activities or outdoor games because they believe that Fix the infinitive
to take
this
passion may mislead the student from education. As
Correct word choice
Parents
parents
dreamed that their children
would become doctors or pilots or become successful in their academics due
to
Change preposition
apply
which
players become disappointed and Correct pronoun usage
apply
they left
their Wrong verb form
leave
career
in sports. I will discuss my point of Fix the agreement mistake
careers
views
that why it is important that guardians should support them to join a profession in a sports.
To Fix the agreement mistake
view
embark
with, it is necessary that Verb problem
begin
parents
should give motivation
or sport their Wrong verb form
motivate
children
if they wants
to become athletes because every Change the verb form
want
child
needs a
family support to achieve Remove the article
apply
a
success in Remove the article
apply
career
Correct pronoun usage
their career
otherwise
they feel depressed and they might going
through the difficult routes of life. Wrong verb form
go
The
Correct article usage
Parents
parents
should listen
their Add the preposition
listen to
children
actively and try to find their interests and hobbies and do
not force them to choose Unnecessary verb
apply
a
same profession Correct article usage
the
which
they Correct pronoun usage
apply
follows
. Change the verb form
follow
To
instance, if Change preposition
For
father
is Add an article
the father
a father
lawyer
and Correct article usage
a lawyer
son
wants to become Correct article usage
the son
musician
, the father may not force the Correct article usage
a musician
child
to become a lawyer.
Another point which is considered is to be motivation or financial support as lose
and Wrong verb form
losing
win
are the rules of games if Wrong verb form
winning
child
Correct article usage
a child
lose
the game once do not put Change the verb form
loses
burden
on him Add an article
the burden
a burden
instead
encourage that
you would play better next time with more practice. Correct word choice
apply
Moreover
, help them with money where they really needed. And also
, these days players have great employment opportunities such
as police or army so if the player wins the athletic he may have a chance to join a profession as a policeman.
In conclusion, it is concluded that parents
may not put pressure on their child
to work in same
field in they Change the article
the same
wants
and give their Change the verb form
want
children
full encouragement in their intersted
field. Correct your spelling
interested
In addition
to this
, players should also
not lose the
interest in the game Correct article usage
apply
due to
afraid of failure.Submitted by manpreetkaurzzx on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, each paragraph's main idea should be more distinct and organized logically. Additionally, better use of linking words or phrases would improve fluidity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single, clear idea. This makes your argument stronger and easier to follow. The transitions between ideas should be smoother. For example, instead of jumping from a discussion about motivation to that of financial support within a single paragraph, create separate paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well but could further explore your ideas fully. Providing specific examples or anecdotes would make your argument stronger. Try to provide a more balanced view by considering counterarguments.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are clear, but they could be expressed more explicitly. Simplify your sentences to ensure your main points are easily understood. Also, be sure to support each idea with an example or piece of evidence.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to address the task and have arranged the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. You bring up valid points about parental support and the importance of not forcing children into specific careers.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear context for the essay and outlines your main arguments. Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.