IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The crime rate nawadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

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In today's advanced world,
technology
Use synonyms
 has enhanced
people
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's lives in numerous ways. It has facilitated communication, healthcare and knowledge earning.
Although
Linking Words
technology
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 has made some
crimes
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 harder to commit, it has opened the way for cyber
crimes
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 which is a hectic matter nowadays.
Therefore
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, I disagree with the statement that crime rates are decreasing
due to
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 the improvement of science. Some
people
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 advocate
this
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 state by the fact that with the invention of computers and the use of the
internet
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, some
crimes
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 which were repetitive in society are now harder to commit and are decreasing.
For example
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, shoplifting was a common assault in the past.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 after the invention of CCTV cameras,
this
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 crime rate decreased sharply. Another example is driving
crimes
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. With the development of face and car number detector technologies, the assaults related to driving are plummeted. So, it can be said that there are various
crimes
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 which are easier to solve with the help of
technology
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.
On the other hand
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, there are several cyber
crimes
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 arising after the development of science and the
internet
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. Take phishing as an example. it is a common threat in today's society which usually cannot be tracked or solved.
Furthermore
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, the
internet
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 can cause many other damages to
people
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, like
cyber-bullying
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
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.
Hence
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, the popularity of the
internet
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 and
technology
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 has made the possibility of numerous
crimes
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 to be committed.
Overall
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, I am inclined to believe that the development of science facilitated the tracking and solving
a
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of a
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vast number of
crimes
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 but at the same time, it opened the door to many others. Today,
people
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 should take the cyber-
crimes
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 more seriously and cyber-police should take measures on
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear opinion throughout the essay which directly addresses the prompt.
task achievement
Include relevant examples to support both sides of the argument, ensuring they are specific and detailed.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating a more logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to more clearly signal the progression of ideas and arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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