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Band 5

In many countries the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
In many parts of the world, the reduction
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 plants and
animals
 I becoming more significant.
This
 writer believes that the reason for
this
 problem is because of the human impacts and can be tackled through an increase in determination. It is vital to understand that
due to
 the development of technology and industry,
people
 gradually ignore the importance of
trees
 and
animals
. It can be seen that nowadays, more and more citizens use personal vehicles because of
theirs
Correct the word
their
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 benefits and abundant
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public transportation.
This
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in CO2 emissions in the atmosphere and causes numerous issues
such
 as pollution or global warming. Many
animals
 and
trees
 have to live
under pollutes
Change preposition
in polluted
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environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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 and lose their natural habitats.
Moreover
, local
people
 try to cut down more
trees
 with the purpose of having
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
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 for residential areas.
Although
 the problem seems to be serious, there is still a majority of
people
put
Correct pronoun usage
who put
show examples
 effort into protecting plants and considering animal welfare. The government
also
 have policies and
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
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 for
people
 who have a negative effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature and
animals
.
For instance
, in Vietnam, a group of volunteer teenagers named Sai Gon Xanh
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cleaned
over
Change preposition
apply
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hundreds of rivers and lakes in order to improve the pollution problem. Those
people
 not only foster a sense of unity but
also
 community which can influence more residents to take part in environmental campaigns.
As a result
, in 2019, scientists recorded that the number of plants and
animals
 had gone up noticeably and recovered the quantity of species. Taking every
points
Change to a singular noun
point
show examples
 into account, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 the decline in
animals
 and
trees
 is human activities.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dedication in humans can eliminate
this
 trend as long as
people
 pay attention to it.

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task achievement
The introduction is clear, but it could be more succinctly stated to better frame the essay's focus.
task achievement
Elaborate on the specific human activities causing the decline, such as deforestation, pollution, and urbanization, and their direct impacts on wildlife.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are awkward due to minor grammatical errors. Review sentence structures for clarity and accuracy.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, addressing both the causes and solutions to the decline in animals and plants.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
task achievement
Real-life example, such as the volunteer group in Vietnam, adds credibility to the proposed solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • agricultural expansion
  • pollution control
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable practices
  • overexploitation
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • quarantine measures
  • eradication programs
  • public awareness campaigns
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • natural habitats
  • species decline
What to do next:
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