In many countries, the number of animals and plants is decling. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
Recently, flora and fauna throughout the world
is
getting more and more deteriorated, which results in Change the verb form
are
the
decrease in their amount. Correct article usage
a
This
problem has occurred for a long time due to
human activities in fulfilling desires. Despite that, it can be resolved by organizing preservation both in lab
and Correct article usage
the lab
nature
.
The primary reason for Change preposition
in nature
this
situation is, indeed, a series of negative impacts. It started with the Third Industry
Revolution when Replace the word
Industrial
people
found the
way to be efficient in work by using fossil fuel to operate Correct article usage
a
machine
, which is really harmful Fix the agreement mistake
machines
for
the environment. After that event, Change the preposition
to
human
population Add an article
the human
has
flourished over the next decades Unnecessary verb
apply
due to
advancements in multiple fields such
as medical drugs, constructing techniques and supplying food. Thus
, to solve demand
for places to reside, Add an article
the demand
people
began to deforest and expand their lands which destroyed natural shelters for species, as a consequence
, they would be extinct. Additionally
, human action also
leads to significant climate change and, unintentionally, killed
hundreds of animals and vegetation. Wrong verb form
kills
Furthermore
, poaching to make “magical medicine” is happening in every nation, especially the rhino in Africa, they went extinct when groups of people
tried to take their horn, which is their solely
defensive tool, and let other carnivores Change the word
sole
devoured
them. Wrong verb form
devour
Therefore
, human interruption to
nature’s life has created various issues that Change preposition
of
make
natural creatures Verb problem
cause
have
to undergo severe effects. Unnecessary verb
apply
However
, this
can be tackled by humans ourselves.
The priority and most effective way is preserving in
their natural habitats. By recruiting Change preposition
apply
scientist
and guards, Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
people
could observe negative changes of
these species Change preposition
in
as well as
protect them from potential dangers. Alternatively, recreating gene
in Fix the agreement mistake
genes
laboratory
is another suitable method when maintaining Add an article
the laboratory
a laboratory
the
biodiversity. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, in 2013, Japanese researchers were able to “resurrect” the long-
Correct your spelling
long-lost
last
genes of a
native plants.
In conclusion, human activities throughout centuries have contributed to Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Correct article usage
the lost
lost
of habitats and climate change, beside that, Replace the word
loss
people
tend to hunt exotic animals mindlessly. Although
this
is becoming more serious, some techniques can be applied such
as outdoor and indoor conservation, but these should be aware of due to
their lavish process and low chance to
success.Change preposition
of
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coherence cohesion
Although you have addressed the task and provided relevant reasons and solutions, organizing ideas more clearly and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic can improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
While you provided some relevant examples, ensuring that each point is supported with a specific and detailed example can strengthen your essay. Additionally, providing more logical connections between ideas within paragraphs can enhance the support for your main points.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, but improving the development of ideas and the clarity of your argument can lead to a higher score. For example, providing more detailed explanations on how pollutants and deforestation affect biodiversity would be beneficial.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the issue and offers a broad overview of the reasons and solutions.
task achievement
You use a variety of vocabulary and try to address complex ideas, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay, including introduction and conclusion, is clear and logical. The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?