Parents will provide food and housing to their children throughout their lives. However, when parents become old, many children do not want to take care of them, and will instead send them to a nursing home or leave them alone. Do children have a duty to take care of their elderly parents? Or should someone else be responsible?
Although
taking care of elderly parents
is a crucial mission of the children
, there is still some rejection coupled with
sending the older to social houses among those children
. This
writer believes that the children
should assuume
the Correct your spelling
assume
responsibilities
of maintaining a sustainable living standard for their Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
parents
instead
of the government owing to proving the
humanity Correct article usage
apply
along with
the reduction of financial
burden on the local authorities.
It must be acknowledged that repaying gratitude for being nurtured Add an article
a financial
the financial
thoughout
the mature years is essentially required. To explain Correct your spelling
throughout
further
, parents
continually offer their children
educational attendances, serve almost personal demands, and demonstrate unconditional love. Conseuquently
, the obvious humanityCorrect your spelling
Consequently
Add the comma(s)
, as well as appreciation compulsorily,
as well as
appreciation compulsorily proved trhough
the willingness to take care of their Correct your spelling
through
parents
when they become older. Therefore
, giving assistance in
nursing elderly Change preposition
to
parents
should be prioritised over any other desires.
Another point worth considering is that the local authorities can allocate the budget for other potential aspects instead
of focusing pn
raising the elderly. To gain Correct your spelling
on
further
insights, the resistance to looking after parents
by the children
urges
the administration to construct nursing Change the verb form
urge
hbomes
and provide free social welfare services. Correct your spelling
homes
As a result
, the government suffers from the
shortage of budget that Correct article usage
a
diminish
other developing fields. Correct subject-verb agreement
diminishes
Thus
, the refusion of caring parents
is prone to the
inadequate spending so as to enhance the country as a whole.
Correct article usage
apply
To sum up
briefly . raising parents
are inclined to children
’s duties due to
the evidence of morality and the mitigation of fianancial
Correct your spelling
financial
harship
. Correct your spelling
hardship
Hence
, providing good living conditions for parents
must be in charge of the children
.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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grammar
Revisit and correct minor grammatical errors such as 'Conseuquently' (Consequently), 'trhough' (through), 'fianancial' (financial), etc. Enhancing the grammatical accuracy will improve overall readability.
examples
Include specific examples or anecdotes to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention personal experiences or societal observations to illustrate the importance of taking care of elderly parents. This will make your essay more engaging and convincing.
cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using transitional phrases and words like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Moreover' can improve the flow of ideas and create a clearer logical structure.
task response
The essay addresses the topic comprehensively and presents a clear stance: children should take responsibility for their elderly parents.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, reflecting a well-organized structure.
task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the moral and financial aspects associated with the responsibility of taking care of elderly parents.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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