Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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Nowadays , some

people

Use synonyms

believe that the government should

be invested

Wrong verb form

invest

show examples

money to break

Use synonyms

time

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

activity of the young that becoming an important decision

Change preposition

for

show examples

young

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

education

Use synonyms

. From my perspective, I totally agree with the statement for some reasons. On the one hand,I hold to the belief that free

time

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activity is a main factor enhance

education

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ability.

Futhermore

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

, the children need

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

free

time

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to relieve the stress and take a

breathe

Replace the word

breath

show examples

that suffer from

learning

Add an article

the learning

show examples

process.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the first reason is that recreational

activities

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can be just advantages to young

people

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Correct your spelling

show examples

overall

Linking Words

development.

This

Linking Words

is because

after

Add the comma(s)

, after

show examples

stressful days of studying, leisure

activities

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are what help children relieve pressure . Some

researcher

Fix the agreement mistake

researchers

show examples

in British show that leisure activity

associated

Add a missing verb

is associated

show examples

with

education

Use synonyms

people

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need to balance

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education

Use synonyms

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

break

time

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activities

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, providing funding for free

time

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activities

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for young

people

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also

Linking Words

important in promoting their holistic growth and well-rounded development. Engaging in free

time

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activities

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such

Linking Words

as sports, arts, and music can enhance young

people

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's creativity, social skills, physical well-being, and mental health. Creating extracurricular or physical

activities

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also

Linking Words

a way to help young

people

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feel less pressured after stressful classes, create a more relaxed mind, and stimulate the development of the brain and thinking.

For instance

Linking Words

, adding some physical

education

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classes during study

time

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helps students have

time

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to both exercise physically and relax their minds. In conclusion,

this

Linking Words

new offer with excellent amenities helps young with reduce stress and encourages them to do leisure

activities

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than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

stay at home to be lazy.

Mordern

Correct your spelling

Modern

society will significantly from

this

Linking Words

convenience.

[email protected]Wed Jun 05 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt with a clear position and provides some reasoning to support your opinion. However, more specific examples and detailed explanations are needed to strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there are a few areas where the flow could be improved. Using more transitional phrases can help the reader follow your argument more easily. Additionally, clearly delineating each point in separate paragraphs would improve readability.

coherence cohesion

There are small grammatical errors and awkward phrases. To improve clarity, work on sentence structure and verb agreement. Careful proofreading can help to catch these errors.

task achievement

Your introduction sets up the topic well and shows a clear stance on the issue.

coherence cohesion

You have a well-structured conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.

task achievement

Your essay provides some strong reasons why the government should invest in free time activities for young people.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overemphasis
burnout
well-being
mental health
social inclusion
non-academic skills
recreational facilities
antisocial behaviors
extracurricular activities
diverse interests
personal growth
real-world skills
intellectual society
undue stress
teamwork
societal development

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