IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a growing number of peole with health problems are trying alternative nedicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, there has been a concerning trend where the majority of people prefer to use alternative treatments and drugs
instead
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 of seeking assistance from medical professionals. I staunchly disapprove of
this
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 tendency
due to
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 its negative effects on health and the increasing prevalence of
medicines
Use synonyms
 with unknown origins. It is vital to understand that
doctors
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 are extensively educated in their field. Specifically, all
medicines
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 have side effects that can be risky to patients' lives;
therefore
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,
doctors
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 and nurses undergo long-term training to research and fully comprehend both the positive aspects and potential negative impacts.
Furthermore
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,
doctors
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 have the necessary knowledge, experience, and professional equipment to accurately diagnose the causes of diseases and prescribe the correct dosage to avoid adverse reactions.
For example
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, in Vietnam, residents regularly use vitamin C tablets with the belief that they increase resistance to infectious diseases.
However
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,
this
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 lack of knowledge has led to widespread kidney-related diseases and several cancers.
Therefore
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, treatment with a doctor's prescription is the best option when individuals suffer from any disease. Another point worth considering is that the lack of observation and evaluation from medical experts fosters the sale of illegal
medicines
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 by smugglers around the globe. Unless
this
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 situation is tackled efficiently, there will be numerous unknown
medicines
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 on the market. The result of
this
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 lax management by governments or medical departments is that the quality of the healthcare system deteriorates significantly and becomes unreliable from the customers' perspective. Eventually, in the near future, the country will face a decline in population
due to
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 the ever-growing fatalities related to the side effects and anaphylaxis of
medicines
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 with unknown origins.
Thus
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, not only are the living conditions of residents adversely influenced, but there is
also
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 a global concern about the actual origins of their daily-consumed products. In conclusion, the tendency to shift from traditional treatments prescribed by
doctors
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 to alternative ones leads to the degradation of healthcare systems and increasing global anxiety about the origin of
medicines
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.
Therefore
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, it can be noted that
such
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 a change is detrimental
due to
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 the aforementioned problems.

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clarity
Your ideas are mostly clear and well-presented, but there are minor issues with sentence structure and word choice that slightly impact readability. Focus on refining sentence construction and vocabulary usage for clarity.
relevance
While examples used are relevant, including a broader range of examples from different contexts (e.g., other countries or alternative historical cases) could strengthen your arguments.
development
To achieve a higher score, ensure every claim or argument is thoroughly unpacked with detailed reasoning. For example, consider explaining why certain medicines with unknown origins might lead to more severe health consequences.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.
logic
The logical progression of your arguments is well-maintained, making it easy for the reader to follow your train of thought.
task response
You have addressed the task comprehensively, covering both health impacts and broader implications for the healthcare system and society.
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