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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, fast food restaurants and companies give money to schools provided that the school promote their products to school children. What do you think is the positive and negative of this in the development of children?

#countries #food #restaurants #companies #money #schools #school #products #children #development
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There have been ongoing debates about whether
fast
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fast-food
show examples
food
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 enterprises should invest in
education
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 to promote their products in schools. There are both advantages and disadvantages to
this
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 practice.
However
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, I personally believe that the potential benefits outweigh the drawbacks, and I will elaborate on
this
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 in the essay.
To begin
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 with, some may argue that
this
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 type of advertisement is unnecessary and has harmful effects on children. Fast
food
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 restaurants often use ingredients with lower nutritional value to cut costs in the production process. Take Burger King,
for example
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. They have implemented cutting-edge production techniques to produce cheaper ingredients, resulting in meals with fewer proteins and essential vitamins.
For
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this
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 reason, if fast
food
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 campaigns become common on school campuses, they could have a negative impact on children’s development in the long term.
On the other hand
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, fast
food
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 companies today play a crucial role in supporting
education
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. In many states,
such
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 as New York, McDonald’s has invested substantial budgets in elementary schools to improve the quality of
education
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 and children’s well-being. In return, they expect schools to include McDonald’s burgers in their meal programs for the younger generation.
This
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 approach can increase student engagement, as children tend to enjoy fast
food
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.
Additionally
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, fast
food
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 brands are becoming increasingly aware of their meals’ lack of nutrients.
As a result
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, producers have started adding essential vitamins to their products to make them healthier for children. In conclusion,
while
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 it is undeniable that fast
food
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 is still considered junk
food
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, many companies are making efforts to improve their products to support children’s development in the long run.
Therefore
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, I argue that the benefits of
fast
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fast-food
show examples
food
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 companies investing in
education
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 outweigh the potential harm.
Submitted by phumrapee33 on

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task achievement
Be sure to provide a balanced view by acknowledging both positive and negative aspects more equitably. This will give a more well-rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence, use more varied linking words and phrases to connect different parts of your argument. This will enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, such as the mention of New York and McDonald's, which support your main points effectively.
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