Some people believe that governments are spending more money on wild life. This money should be used for other works. Do you agree or disagree?
The
government
collects its income through taxes from the people
, therefore
, spending the money
not focusing on them such
as elevating the number of animals in the environment is wrong. Country
development
as well as
public transportation improvement should become the focuses for the government
to utilize the money
. Thus
, the writer will discuss more on the disagreement side.
Firstly
, research shows that,
the number of Remove the comma
apply
people
living in a country
has risen massively due to
the end of the Coronavirus Disease 2019 pandemic in 2023, they immediately would like to have a child prior to other diseases coming up. This
trend has led to an increased number of people
and governments should be concerned with how they will manage their population's wealth. Thus
, country
development
, particularly in housing and living places, should be their focus to develop. Such
as building a house vertically like an apartment. Consequently
, this
will provide more people
with the opportunity to live.
Secondly
, living in a vertical house as the campaign of country
development
from the government
has an effect on people
who live there. The crowdedness as well as
the lack of building space to park their car or motorcycle forces them to use public transportation. It is better to utilize the money
for developing subway facilities or constructing a new railway for commuter users, rather than concerning it to the environment.
In summary, it is better for the government
to focus its spending on the people
such
as providing houses as part of country's
Correct article usage
the country's
development
and improving public transportation. This
is because the money
that the government
has comes from the taxes paid by the people
. Therefore
, focusing on the people
should be the priority for spending the money
Submitted by bram.admiral on
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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the topic, and you provide a comprehensive response. However, some of your ideas could benefit from clearer development. For example, while you mention vertical housing, you could explain more about how this specifically addresses the issue at hand.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence, your essay follows a logical structure, but there are areas where the connection between ideas could be stronger. Try to use more linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Additionally, the introduction could be more engaging to capture the reader's attention right away.
coherence cohesion
For cohesion, while your main points are supported, expanding with a few more specific examples will make your argument stronger. Also, consider discussing potential counterarguments to acknowledge different perspectives, and then refute them to strengthen your own position further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument nicely.
task achievement
You have addressed the task well by discussing both country development and public transportation as areas for government spending.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.