IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
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The debate over whether mobile
phones
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 should be banned in public
places
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such
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 as libraries, shops, and public transport is a contentious one.
While
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 there are valid arguments on both sides, I disagree with the notion of an outright
ban
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.
Instead
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, I believe that more nuanced solutions should be implemented to address the concerns associated with mobile
phone
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use
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 in public spaces. First and foremost, mobile
phones
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 have become an integral part of modern life, serving not only as communication devices but
also
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 as tools for accessing information, navigation, and entertainment. Banning them outright in public
places
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 could create significant inconvenience for many people.
For example
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, in libraries, students and researchers often rely on their
phones
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 to access digital resources, take notes, or collaborate with peers.
Similarly
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, in shops, mobile
phones
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 can be used to compare prices, read reviews, and access discount codes, enhancing the shopping experience.
Additionally
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, an outright
ban
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 may be impractical and difficult to enforce. Public transport systems,
for instance
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, are vast and varied, making it challenging to monitor and control
phone
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 usage effectively.
Instead
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 of a
ban
Use synonyms
, public
places
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 could implement policies that promote considerate
phone
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use
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. Libraries could designate specific areas for
phone
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use
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 to minimize disruption,
while
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 shops and public transport could encourage the
use
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 of silent or vibrate modes. Education and awareness campaigns could
further
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 address the issue of mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 etiquette by educating the public about the importance of considerate
phone
Use synonyms
use
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,
such
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 as speaking softly and avoiding loud ringtones. In conclusion,
while
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 the concerns surrounding mobile
phone
Use synonyms
use
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 in public
places
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 are valid, an outright
ban
Use synonyms
 is neither practical nor necessary.
Instead
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, a combination of designated areas, enforcement of considerate
use
Use synonyms
 policies, and public education can effectively address the issues
while
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 still allowing people to enjoy the benefits of their mobile devices.
Submitted by catalinamaria.n on

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task achievement
While your response addresses the question effectively, including more specific examples or data could strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly well-organized, but ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
introduction conclusion present
You've introduced and concluded the essay succinctly, keeping it focused on the topic.
task achievement
Your arguments are clear and support your view effectively, which demonstrates a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows well, showing good use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs.
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