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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the main reasons why students chose to study at a particular UK University in 1987 and 2007.

The pie charts below show the main reasons why students chose to study at a particular UK University in 1987 and 2007.
The charts illustrate how many
school
Use synonyms
 leavers chose to
study
Use synonyms
 at a certain university in the UK between 1987 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was an increase in the proportion of young people choosing to
study
Use synonyms
 at
this
Linking Words
school
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 because it provided suitable courses and it was close to their home,
while
Linking Words
 the figures for those opting for
this
Linking Words
school
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 owing to its quality of resources and teaching, and its physical and social activities declined.
In addition
Linking Words
, the majority of students chose to
study
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 in the examined
school
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 because of its degree courses in both years. The percentage of students saying that they chose to
study
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 in the surveyed
school
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 because of its courses started at 35%, after which it saw a slight increase to 37%. Meanwhile, the figure for those whose house was close to their
school
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 grew significantly from 10% to 21%. 21% of the students placed more emphasis on the quality of the resources of the
school
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 in 1987, with a subsequent decline to 17% in 2007. In the meanwhile, the figures for undergraduates whose reason for enrollment was related to the quality of teaching and
extra curricular
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extracurricular
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 activities halved to 8% and 9% respectively.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, study with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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