At the peresent time , the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outhweigh the disadvantages?

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As far as have been told , the percentage of younger adults
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
more than older
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days and that`s a really good situation for every
country
Use synonyms
because of the benefits which a young society could have. Younger can make money more than older do
also
Linking Words
, they can improve the economy of a
country
Use synonyms
which older
are
Verb problem
people have
show examples
not
be
Wrong verb form
been
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able to do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
so far. When a person is young have more energy for doing
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
or thinking about
Add an article
the matter
a matter
show examples
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
they
also
Linking Words
have motivation for making their life and accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their goals so they are trying to make their situation
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better but old
pesons
Correct your spelling
persons
are more tired than working as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
their body
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not as strong as they were; when
,
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apply
show examples
they were young. So they just need to be
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
as an old person. Younger have more reasons to make new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
. Nowadays
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
needs
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need
show examples
are increasing more than
the
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in the
show examples
past and they find that they need more technology objects so a lot of students are inventing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
lof
Correct your spelling
lot of
show examples
things that help life get easier than past.
according to
Linking Words
the latest
reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
Cambdrig University the objects which are made by students are almost 70 per cent more than 10 years ago and
that is
Linking Words
cleare
Correct your spelling
clear
cleared
, it is for the younger
who
Correct pronoun usage
ones who
show examples
are so keen on solving life problems which
so
Add a missing verb
is so
show examples
nessecary
Correct your spelling
necessary
for every
Use synonyms
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
there is some
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
opinion everywhere and we have not to shut our eyes on them, older society
are
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is
show examples
so important for every culture and they are the need for their family they always are like a light
of
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to
show examples
the younger
peole
Correct your spelling
people
, their being is a value and we must know it. In all, a society or a
country
Use synonyms
for
imporving
Correct your spelling
improvement
, needs young
people
Use synonyms
who are motivational and hard working
also
Linking Words
we need our ground parents
for knowing
Change preposition
to know
show examples
the secret of
these world
Change the determiner
this world
these worlds
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy. There are quite a few grammatical errors that may affect the overall clarity of your points.
structure
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs: Introduction, body paragraphs each with a single main idea, and a conclusion.
examples
Support your points with more specific examples and explanations to make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and provide a balanced discussion addressing both the advantages and disadvantages.
structure
Your essay contains distinct parts for introduction and conclusion, which is good for overall structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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