There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly believed by many that the level of personal income is the most essential factor among those leading
individuals
to keep working. The writer, however
, remains unconvinced by this
school of thought since job satisfaction and a sense of appreciation are far more imperative components.
Initially
, it must be acknowledged that humans will not make a huge dedication or devotion to occupations or careers that cannot satisfy themselves. To clarify, individuals
have to work in their decided jobs for a living for their whole lives after having graduated from universities or institutes. For
this
reason, if they cannot identify any curiosities or passions that can be regarded as their meanings of life in their current jobs, they may change them frequently or even quit working. Specifically, Vietnam is a prime example of this
, where numerous young adults, especially those who are going to be blue-collar workers with future repetitive jobs, opt for not working to pursue personal interests such
as travelling abroad or attending further
education.
Additionally
, the sense of appreciation must be taken into consideration when it comes to long-term occupations. Due to
the fact that by being respected by employers or headers, employees will definitely have a stronger belief in their abilities, thus
showing more outstanding initiatives and bringing more achievements to their corporations. Moreover
, should these individuals
be believed by their counterparts or colleagues, they will have a sense of responsibility to instruct and guide others, thereby deciding to stay in the workforce for a course of time. For instance
, research conducted in the UK during 2000 showed that employers who were respectful towards their employees might have a more successful organization that survived for a longer period in the marketplace compared to those who did not.
In conclusion, although
some emphasize the amount of salary paid to employees, satisfaction in working and respect are far more important to encourage them to stay longer in the workplace. It is, furthermore
, apparent that the more respected these individuals
are, the more achievements they are likely to bring to their companies.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear position. To enhance this further, including more diverse examples could provide stronger support to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear topic sentences and logical transitions. However, ensure that all points are fully expanded and interconnected to avoid any abrupt shifts.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the motivation of employees, effectively arguing against the idea that money is the most important factor. Well-reasoned arguments are presented.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, effectively summarizing the main points and providing a coherent end to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the example from Vietnam and the UK study from 2000, which adds depth to the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?