There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly believed by many that the level of personal income is the most essential factor among those leading
individuals
to keep working. The writer, Use synonyms
however
, remains unconvinced by Linking Words
this
school of thought since job satisfaction and a sense of appreciation are far more imperative components.
Linking Words
Initially
, it must be acknowledged that humans will not make a huge dedication or devotion to occupations or careers that cannot satisfy themselves. To clarify, Linking Words
individuals
have to work in their decided jobs for a living for their whole lives after having graduated from universities or institutes. Use synonyms
For
Linking Words
this
reason, if they cannot identify any curiosities or passions that can be regarded as their meanings of life in their current jobs, they may change them frequently or even quit working. Specifically, Vietnam is a prime example of Linking Words
this
, where numerous young adults, especially those who are going to be blue-collar workers with future repetitive jobs, opt for not working to pursue personal interests Linking Words
such
as travelling abroad or attending Linking Words
further
education.
Linking Words
Additionally
, the sense of appreciation must be taken into consideration when it comes to long-term occupations. Linking Words
Due to
the fact that by being respected by employers or headers, employees will definitely have a stronger belief in their abilities, Linking Words
thus
showing more outstanding initiatives and bringing more achievements to their corporations. Linking Words
Moreover
, should these Linking Words
individuals
be believed by their counterparts or colleagues, they will have a sense of responsibility to instruct and guide others, thereby deciding to stay in the workforce for a course of time. Use synonyms
For instance
, research conducted in the UK during 2000 showed that employers who were respectful towards their employees might have a more successful organization that survived for a longer period in the marketplace compared to those who did not.
In conclusion, Linking Words
although
some emphasize the amount of salary paid to employees, satisfaction in working and respect are far more important to encourage them to stay longer in the workplace. It is, Linking Words
furthermore
, apparent that the more respected these Linking Words
individuals
are, the more achievements they are likely to bring to their companies.Use synonyms
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear position. To enhance this further, including more diverse examples could provide stronger support to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with clear topic sentences and logical transitions. However, ensure that all points are fully expanded and interconnected to avoid any abrupt shifts.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the motivation of employees, effectively arguing against the idea that money is the most important factor. Well-reasoned arguments are presented.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, effectively summarizing the main points and providing a coherent end to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the example from Vietnam and the UK study from 2000, which adds depth to the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?