Today many people spend less and less time in their homes. What are the reasons and what are the effects of this trend on individuals and society?
Some
people
believe that a lot of society has spend
their Change the verb form
spent
time
for their jod
until they Correct your spelling
job
hav
not many times for their Correct your spelling
have
time
for their family.In my opinion
there are many Add a comma
opinion,
problem
they should do Change to a plural noun
problems
for
it.
Change preposition
apply
To begin
with,several communities now have no time
for
stay for Change preposition
to
long
term in their Add an article
the long
a long
hose
until Correct your spelling
house
short
Correct article usage
a short
time
they can use only for taking rest in night
.Add an article
the night
Also
,they have a lot of duties from boss
so that way it makes them Add an article
the boss
for
stay in their place.Change preposition
apply
Nevertheless
,their wife and chidren
cannot have affection from their husband.Correct your spelling
children
Then
,number
of family now Change the article
a number
the number
has
got Unnecessary verb
apply
divorce
from Wrong verb form
divorced
this
froblem
and their life was Correct your spelling
problem
compicated
.Correct your spelling
complicated
For example
,in big
Add an article
a big
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
such
as Jakarta
a lot of Add a comma
Jakarta,
people
have Correct article usage
a hedic
hedic
timetable for their work so their Correct word choice
a hectic
childreen
cannot Correct your spelling
children
have
find Unnecessary verb
apply
better
life Correct article usage
a better
from
their Change preposition
in
famiy
.
On the one hand,some Correct your spelling
family
people
argued
that Wrong verb form
argue
who
have Correct pronoun usage
those who
the
busy Correct article usage
a
time
in their goverment
Correct your spelling
government
is was
very Verb problem
are
vulnurable
for everyone .Correct your spelling
vulnerable
Moreover
they cannot have some social activities with their Add a comma
Moreover,
nighbour
Correct your spelling
neighbour
for
do something Change preposition
to
as
help each other and we cannot Change preposition
to
regognize
Correct your spelling
recognise
one
each Correct pronoun usage
apply
other
.It will bring bad Correct quantifier usage
another
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
from
Change preposition
on
society
around us,not only for them but Add an article
the society
also
for who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
leave
around there.Correct your spelling
live
For instance
,if some people
have busy
Add an article
a busy
time
in their job and we will invited
them might be they would Wrong verb form
invite
be join
Change the verb form
be joined
be joining
with
us and Change preposition
apply
instead
of this
if they will invited
us Wrong verb form
invite
for
have Change preposition
to
some
their party might be we will not come there Correct quantifier usage
apply
also
because they have
not Add a missing verb
do have
time
for us.Also
if we have no time
for society
we will Add an article
the society
Add a missing verb
be ostraczed
ostraczed
by communities Correct your spelling
ostracised
of
there Change preposition
apply
it
will arise some Correct pronoun usage
apply
problem
with Fix the agreement mistake
problems
people
around there.
In conclusion,we have to manage our time
for work and for stay for our family in order family
Change preposition
for family
also
need them for make Add an article
the decision
a decision
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
not only for family
but Correct word choice
apply
also
for our environment also
they need us to help each otherRephrase
apply
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the introduction and conclusion to make them more engaging and clear. Summarize your main points at the end.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your main points. This will help to make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Complete the task fully by addressing all parts of the prompt comprehensively. Explicitly state the reasons and effects in separate paragraphs if possible.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the prompt fully by discussing both reasons and effects of the trend.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, which shows an understanding of essay structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?