IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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Presently, the number of
people
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 who live longer than past is increasing. some
people
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 believe that it is an issue for the
government
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,
while
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 others say that elderly humans are more beneficial for society. In my opinion, the advantages are extremely more, and
this
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 essay will argue that these
people
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 can increase the tax for younger
people
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 and could enhance emigration through a country. it is argued that, when
people
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 live for a long time, they cannot work as much as past. In order that, they have to be retired because they cannot work anymore. these retired
people
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 should be given a salary from the
government
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, and to solve these problems, the
government
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 should give more taxes to younger
people
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.
As a result
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, it could suffer the younger folk.
Additionally
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, in any huge country, we have some problems finding houses, and one of the most important issues is population. If the population increased regularly, it would be more difficult to find a home. when folk are not able to find a home easily, they tend to go abroad.
consequently
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, the younger employees are reduced in society, and it can be a bigger trouble for the
government
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.
for example
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, in Germany, many residents are old, and younger
people
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 do not tend to have babies, and the
reason
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 for
that is
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 they cannot find a house for their family. It could be a
reason
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 that they want to emigrate. Despite the above
reason
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,
older
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the older
show examples
 crowd have more experience in life and work, and it could be beneficial for humans.
Nevertheless
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, increasing elder residents could be the biggest problem for the
government
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. In conclusion, the advantages of the elderly community in the country are less than the drawbacks. Not only do they increase taxes, but
also
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 they have problems finding a house.
As a result
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, it could be the biggest
reason
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 for the emigration of younger
people
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly differentiated from the body of the essay, and make sure the introduction presents your main argument clearly.
logical structure
Improve logical structure by clearly separating and elaborating on different points with distinct paragraphs. This will make your essay more readable and coherent.
supported main points
Your main points need further development and support with more relevant examples. For instance, explain more clearly how an aging population can lead to increased taxes on younger people.
complete response
While you have addressed the task, try to create a more balanced argument by discussing both sides of the issue comprehensively before concluding which side is stronger.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofread your essay and aim for more precise word choices. For example, 'elderly humans' could be more naturally expressed as 'elderly people.'
relevant specific examples
Use more specific examples and details to support your arguments. For instance, give precise figures or case studies to illustrate points about taxation or housing issues if possible.
complete response
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population.
supported main points
You did a good job of making an argument and attempting to support it with examples. You're on the right track!
logical structure
Your writing shows good potential for structured arguments and logical flow, even if it needs refinement.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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