There days, many people like to watch live performances (such as shows or concerts) at home, either on TV or on a computer, instead of attending in person. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #performances #concerts #home #tv #computer #person #trend

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A selection of individuals keen on watching live shows

such

as theatres or live music on a television or a computer in their houses

instead

of going by themselves. From my perspective,

this

notion provides people with benefits more than drawbacks and my supporting reason will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several positive effects of watching in their accommodation and the most significant is that people can look after their physical

health

. To elaborate

further

, going to shows or concerts can lead to ear problems because the sound

Change preposition

show examples

those events is always too loud and unbearable.

Moreover

, individuals might have eyesight issues

due to

the fact that there are a lot of spotlights shooting at audiences all the time. An apt illustration, I went to one of my favourite bands' concert

last

year and the day after the concert, I barely heard what my parents were trying to say to me;

besides

, my eyes were blurred and hurt;

as well

Change preposition

apply

show examples

, it was hard to focus on one particular thing, because numerous spotlights shooting at my eyes directly throughout the show.

Additionally

, another clear upside is citizens can be able to maintain their mental

health

. To explain in greater detail, after performances are finished, they do not have to waste their time on the road with a build-up

traffic

Change preposition

of traffic

show examples

, making them crossed and flustrated.

Furthermore

, we can see on several news that attendees in many concerts have some conflicts and fights which in turn the performer has to stop their plays immediately, destroying others' moods. To specifically demonstrate, one of my friends attended

the

Correct article usage

show examples

famous band concert

last

month and the group of teenagers sitting in front of him started to taunt each other;

consequently

, ended with a big clash.

Hence

, the lead vocal decided to stop their performances and when he was driving out from the parking lot; sequentially, he needed to face the hassle of driving like horn honking, bottlenecks, etc. which made him feel hotheaded and annoyed. All in all, it is a fact that the population these days tends to attend live performances at home as both a television or a computer offer a lot of advantages to its users, namely, citizens can still maintain their physical

health

and look after their mental

health

which are paramount factors in our lives.

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task achievement

While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt and offers relevant supporting examples, it could benefit from a clearer distinction between main points and supporting details. Try to make sure each paragraph has one central idea that is clearly stated and developed.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally good, but there are occasional abrupt transitions between points. Using transition words and phrases, as well as structuring your paragraphs more clearly, will make your argument easier to follow.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the response effectively.

task achievement

The use of personal examples adds a strong element of authenticity and relevance to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

396 words

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There days, many people like to watch live performances (such as shows or concerts) at home, either on TV or on a computer, instead of attending in person. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some are of the opinion that people are naturally born as good leaders while others feel that leadership skills can be learned. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Young people who commit serious crimes such as robbery or violent attacks should be punished in the same way as aduls who commit the same crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you or disagree and agree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.